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Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. JROD
A good healthcare system is vital for a nation’s success. Ministries of healthcare globally spend a great sum of the nation’s revenue on the treatment of diseases and illnesses, instead of focusing on disease prevention and education related to individual’s health. I strongly agree with the latter idea and this essay will argue as to why it is important for governments around the world to concentrate more on how to prevent diseases and educate communities about health. The influence of high-speed internet has impacted the traditional way people commute to work. The rapid development of technology in the past decade or so has enabled people to operate remotely. Most workers and employees are starting to prefer working from home instead of commuting daily to work. In this essay I intend to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of teleworking from home.
A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthcare system is vital for a nation’s success. Ministries of healthcare globally spend a great sum of the nation’s revenue on the treatment of diseases and illnesses,
instead
of focusing on disease prevention and education related to individual’s health. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and this essay will argue as to why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world to concentrate more on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
diseases and educate communities about health.

The influence of high-speed internet has impacted the traditional way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commute to work. The rapid development of technology in the past decade or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
has enabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to operate
remotely
. Most workers and employees are starting to prefer working from home
instead
of commuting daily to work. In this essay I intend to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of teleworking from home.

IELTS essay Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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