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‘Success’ has seemed to be one of the hardest terms to describe for a long time. It is believed that a successful person is one that is always as busy as a bee and great determined. While for materialism, success is measured by financial advantages and good looks. Generally, I would say both arguments have validity, but I would lean towards the first.

‘Success’ has seemed to be one of the hardest terms to describe for a long time. It is believed that a successful person is one that is always as busy as a bee and great determined. While for materialism, success is measured by financial advantages and good looks. Generally, I would say both arguments have validity, but I would lean towards the first. E7Ngr
‘Success’ has seemed to be one of the hardest terms to describe for a long time. It is believed that a successful person is one that is always as busy as a bee and great determined. While for materialism, success is measured by financial advantages and good looks. Generally, I would say both arguments have validity, but I would lean towards the first. On the one hand, it is undeniable that money and exteriority may bring two excellent benefits to humans. To begin with, money gives people a good foundation, which helps them to learn everything they want, go everywhere to widen their knowledge. As a result, they have the potential to hold more opportunities to be successful thanks to their accumulated experiences as time goes by. Another advantage can be felt is that good looks can build more relationships, which is considered to be a factor leading to success. Usually, good-looking people often take responsibility for being representatives, ambassadors for an organization. Therefore, the more people they meet and interact with, the wider net working they have and the higher their chances of promotion at work are. On the other hand, I deeply believe that diligence and determination bring valuable success. Firstly, hard work helps people to have more experiences to easily deal with troubles not only in their work but also in their life in general. Once the difficulties are solved, we can take the next steps on the road to success. Secondly, determination gives us strong motivation never to give up the set goals. Should someone be able to adapt to difficult conditions, he would always find a way to overcome and get great achievements. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo, who didn’t have a good financial foundation but thanks to his passion and ceaseless efforts, he is still a successful football player, an idol of people at all ages as well as a symbol of determination. To sum up, while both money and appearance impact on personal success, my own view is that sustainable values such as hard work and determination are the core elements of valuable achievements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘Success’
has seemed to be one of the hardest terms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
for a long time. It
is believed
that a successful person is one
that is
always as busy as a bee and great determined. While for materialism,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is measured
by financial advantages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
looks.
Generally
, I would say both arguments have validity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would lean towards the
first
.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that money and
Possible spelling mistake found.
exteriority
may bring two excellent benefits to humans. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, money gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
foundation, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn everything they want, go everywhere to widen their knowledge.
As a result
, they have the potential to hold more opportunities to be successful thanks to their accumulated experiences as time goes by. Another advantage can
be felt
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
looks can build more relationships, which
is considered
to be a factor leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Usually
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take responsibility for being representatives, ambassadors for an organization.
Therefore
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and interact with, the wider net working they have and the higher their chances of promotion at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are.

On the other hand
, I
deeply
believe that diligence and determination bring valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more experiences to
easily
deal with troubles not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in their life
in general
. Once the difficulties
are solved
, we can take the
next
steps on the road to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Secondly
, determination gives us strong motivation never to give up the set goals. Should someone be able to adapt to difficult conditions, he would always find a way to overcome and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great achievements.
For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo, who didn’t have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
financial foundation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to his passion and ceaseless efforts, he is
still
a successful football player, an idol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at all ages
as well
as a symbol of determination.

To sum up, while both money and appearance impact on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view is that sustainable values such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and determination are the core elements of valuable achievements.
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IELTS essay ‘Success’ has seemed to be one of the hardest terms to describe for a long time. It is believed that a successful person is one that is always as busy as a bee and great determined. While for materialism, success is measured by financial advantages and good looks. Generally, I would say both arguments have validity, but I would lean towards the first.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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