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Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. GMrnL
It is argued that art gives students the opportunity to achieve higher results in many disciplines because comprehensively developed students learn new material better. This is the main reason why is important to teach it in school. I totally agree with this statement, because art can strengthen student's critical thinking and boost self-confidence which in turn helps to gain manifold academic achievements. The main reason why art should be a mandatory discipline is the fact that students attending art classes can improve their problem-solving skills. In other words, they learn a lot about decision making while drawing paintings and performing the dance at the stage. As a result, they have ability think critically and make important decisions in any life situations and also it becomes easier for students to choose the best option from different choices. To illustrate, after having carried out research, scientists from MSU have established that arts play a pivotal role in reinforcing the decision making process. Another reason why integrating the arts into schools is imperative is that it can help boost kid's self-confidence. To put it differently, students participating in different art activities are more confident than others, because singing and acting performances on stage help them in feeling confident being in front of the audience. Consequently students gain important experience, which play vital role to build confidence and give them opportunity to improve their performance. For instance, according to research self-confident children had 65% higher learning outcomes than children who felt some insecurity. Taking into consideration all mentioned above, I am firmly convinced that such a subject as art should be compulsory in the school curriculum because it gives students golden opportunity not only to boost their academic achievements, but also develop critical thinking, decision making skills and develop self-confidence.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the opportunity to achieve higher results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disciplines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
comprehensively
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn new material better. This is the main reason why is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to teach it in school. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can strengthen student's critical thinking and boost self-confidence which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to gain manifold academic achievements.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be a mandatory discipline is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
classes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In other words
, they learn a lot about
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
while drawing paintings and performing the dance at the stage.
As a result
, they have ability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
critically
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in any life situations and
also
it becomes easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose the best option from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choices. To illustrate, after having carried out research, scientists from MSU have established that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play a pivotal role in reinforcing the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
process.

Another reason why integrating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
into schools is imperative is that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
boost kid's self-confidence. To put it
differently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
activities are more confident than others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
singing and acting performances on stage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in feeling confident being in front of the audience.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
experience, which play vital role to build confidence and give them opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance.
For instance
, according to research self-confident children had 65% higher learning outcomes than children who felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insecurity.

Taking into consideration all mentioned above, I am
firmly
convinced that such a subject as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be compulsory in the school curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
golden opportunity not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to boost their academic achievements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop critical thinking,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and develop self-confidence.
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IELTS essay Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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