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students should work part-time

students should work part-time PW2nE
Nowadays, with the economic and social development, the number of students who work part-time during school time is increasing remarkably. Personally, I am strongly convinced that students should find temporary work for some reasons that I will mention in the following essay. First of all, students can get more practical experiences for their future business. It is no doubt that temporary work helps undergraduates learn more about responsibilities as well as real business challenges, which reinforces what they are learning in university. For example, an economics student who works part-time at a bank will learn what a banker should be. as the result, learners will know how they need to improve their skills themselves to meet the requirements of employers. In other words, the more experiences students gain during school time, the more benefits they will get in their future business. Another important point is that students can earn some money thanks to a part-time job. In fact, there has been an increase in the number of students leaving university because they don’t have enough money to pay for training fee in recent years. students can work part-time to reduce the financial burden on their families. In addition, it is evident that money earned during school years also teaches students to understand the true values of money. Not only can early employment help you build up long-term savings, but it also makes you financially aware from a young age. Last but not least, working part-time will actually encourages students to improve time management skills which are difficult to get better without activities outside class. Student will learn to balance work and study, which will greatly help their future work especially when they get married and have children. In short, students can gain several benefits from part-time jobs such as improving time management skills, practical experience, and additional income. Currently, many universities add internships to their training programs to develop more comprehensive students.
Nowadays, with the economic and social development, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time during school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is increasing
remarkably
.
Personally
, I am
strongly
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should find temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that I will mention in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more practical experiences for their future business. It is no doubt that temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
undergraduates learn more about responsibilities
as well
as real business challenges, which reinforces what they are learning in university.
For example
, an economics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who works part-time at a bank will learn what a banker should be. as the result, learners will know how they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirements of employers.
In other words
, the more experiences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain during school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the more benefits they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in their future business.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
thanks to a part-time job. In fact, there has been an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
leaving university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for training fee in recent years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the financial burden on their families.
In addition
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earned during school years
also
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the true values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can early employment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you build up long-term savings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you
financially
aware from a young age.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, working part-time will actually
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "encourage"
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better without activities outside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
will learn to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study, which will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
especially
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and have children.

In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain several benefits from part-time jobs such as improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, practical experience, and additional income.
Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
internships to their training programs to develop more comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS essay students should work part-time

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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