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Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished qVN75
Some educated students awarded rather than penalized when they are implement better in school. I agree that rewarding students who educate in high school life. Because awarding students can cause increase their motivation of their study and it can be develop belief themselves. Increase motivation os students' study is very better way of rewarded them. Motivation gives students more enthusiasm from studying whenever they interest to study a lot and it depends on award students. For instance, students who are rewarded get more motivation from studying. The second cause is that it develops belief themselves such as if they do everything very well they believe themselves and if they have possibility to get doing everything. For example, people who have belife themselves, they can do everything very easily and perfect. In conclusion educated students perform better in school when they are awarded rather than punished. In this case it can cause develop motivation and belife themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
educated
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students
awarded
rather
than penalized when they are implement better in school. I
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agree
that rewarding
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students
who educate in high school life.
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Because
awarding
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students
can cause increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
of their study and it can be
Consider using the past participle "developed"?
develop
belief themselves. Increase
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motivation
Possible spelling mistake found.
os
students' study is
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very
better way of rewarded them.
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Motivation
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more enthusiasm from studying whenever they interest to study a lot and it depends on award
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
,
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students
who
are rewarded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
from studying. The second cause is that it develops belief themselves such as if they do everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well they believe themselves and if they have possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
doing everything.
For example
,
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people
who have
Possible spelling mistake found.
belife
themselves, they can do everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
and perfect.
In conclusion
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
perform better in school when they
are awarded
rather
than punished.
In this case
it can cause develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
belife
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
themselves

IELTS essay Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
155 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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