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In towns and cities, large shopping malls are replacing small shops. Do the benefits of this overweight the drawbacks?

In towns and cities, large shopping malls are replacing small shops. Do the benefits of this overweight the drawbacks? 7aqA3
It has been observed that huge shopping centers instead of small road side shops in the urban areas. I believe that such a trend is negative to a large extent. The reasons for my opinion discuss in ensuing paragraphs. There are several benefits having tinny shops in cities. Most importantly, it helps to development of local economy. As people buying from small shops. The shopkeepers are earn a substantial revenue. This revenue generates taxes to the government. If this shops will closed, which results damaging local economy as well as social life. Furthermore, Items available in local shops are affordable for middle and poor class people in metros area. Local shops selling local made products so comparatively less prices than others mall. To illustrate, Cloth available in big shops are expensive, but in mini shops is available at half of the price. However, There are few benefits having supermarkets in a metros areas. The wide range of products from cloth to grocery's to households are kept in same roof. This is convenient for buyers. Also, Customer get good quality, branded products at shopping malls, which improves their life styles. To wrap up the discussion, although there are some advantages of big malls. My arguments prove that small shops are vital for the development of local economy as well as for middle class and poor class individuals. Therefore, tinny shops should be there in all cities.
It has
been observed
that huge shopping centers
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
road side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the urban areas. I believe that such a trend is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to a large extent. The reasons for my opinion discuss in ensuing paragraphs.

There are several benefits having tinny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in cities. Most
importantly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
buying from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. The shopkeepers are
Consider using a past participle here: "earned".
earn
a substantial revenue. This revenue generates taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. If this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will closed, which results damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy
as well
as social life.

Furthermore
, Items available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are affordable for middle and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in metros area.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
made products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
comparatively
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun prices is countable.
less
prices than others mall. To illustrate, Cloth available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in mini
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
is available at half of the price.

However
, There are few benefits having supermarkets in a metros areas. The wide range of products from cloth to grocery's to households are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in same roof. This is convenient for buyers.
Also
, Customer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality, branded products at shopping malls, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their life styles.

To wrap up the discussion, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
malls. My arguments prove that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are vital for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy
as well
as for middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
individuals.
Therefore
, tinny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
should be there in all cities.
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IELTS essay In towns and cities, large shopping malls are replacing small shops. Do the benefits of this overweight the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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