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Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. 8Ryx
Schools are a place where the young children are nurtured with various things like how to behave, learn basic etiquettes, and are provided with good knowledge and skills from specialised experts. In the process of inculcating these into the children, while some schools follow stringent rules and punish the students, I strongly believe they must instead mould children by rewarding them. In the below essay, I will support my argument with relevant examples. Firstly, punishing the students could create negativity and hatred towards the school. They might end up losing interest towards education and become more rebellious. For instance, recent research states that 35% of children in UK are reluctant to go to schools when teachers punish their students upon getting low grades. Moreover, in-order to get into a good university and become a skilled worker, having a good foundation in academics has become mandatory which can come only by attending classes regularly. Hence, following a more strategic approach towards handling students like appraising or rewarding them every now and then creates a positive atmosphere and so, the willingness towards schools would be increased. Secondly, beating, shouting or any kind of improper handling of adolescents by their teachers or parents impacts their behavior as well. Statistics show that the majority of the teenagers who are silent and resentful were because of their strict schooling whereas, outrageous and outspoken teens were from more liberal schools. Today in our society, individuals speaking for themselves is crucial and so, as youngs brains are before even developed man-handling or mishandling them in any way is not tolerable. Having said that, children should be taught to be disciplined but rather in a more rewarding way would not effect their future and personal lives negatively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
are a place where the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are nurtured
with various things like how to behave, learn basic
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
, and
are provided
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
experts. In the process of inculcating these into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
follow stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and punish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I
strongly
believe they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
instead
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by rewarding them. In the below essay, I will support my argument with relevant examples.

Firstly
, punishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could create negativity and hatred towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up losing interest towards education and become more rebellious.
For instance
, recent research states that 35% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in UK are reluctant to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
when teachers punish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
upon getting low grades.
Moreover
, in-order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
university and become a skilled worker, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foundation in academics has become mandatory which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by attending classes
regularly
.
Hence
, following a more strategic approach towards handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like appraising or rewarding them every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
atmosphere and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the willingness towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would
be increased
.

Secondly
, beating, shouting or any kind of improper handling of adolescents by their teachers or parents impacts their behavior
as well
. Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are silent and resentful were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their strict schooling whereas, outrageous and outspoken teens were from more liberal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
in our society, individuals speaking for themselves is crucial and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, as
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
brains are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-handling or mishandling them in any way is not tolerable.

Having said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to
be disciplined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
in a more rewarding way would not
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
their future and personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
negatively
.
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IELTS essay Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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