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Students Need Access to Movie CollectionThe university library has a large collection of films on video and DVD that students can borrow. However, students aren't allowed to go into the area where these items are kept. Instead, students need to reque v.1

Students Need Access to Movie CollectionThe university library has a large collection of films on video and DVD that students can borrow. However, students aren't allowed to go into the area where these items are kept. Instead, students need to reque v. 1
Presently, An often debated topic is whether using cell phones exerts positive or negative effects on human life. Personally, I agree that there are many benefits that mobile phones could bring about, however, numerous problems of the use of it need to be concerned. According to many, people think that phones have helped their remain connected with the world from wherever they are. Furthermore, they play with features on the applications such as online networks, email, camera and video stay in touch with families, friends and colleagues. In addition, the society is also considering the entertainment on app as a source income. In particular, gamers who play on game to achieve rewards. They can operate alone in term or online. Conversely, people can be a problem in some public area. In fact, ringing phone probably would cause disturbance in cinema or school lessons. For students there is a rule to activate tools with time procedures. In fact, Sometimes people are not aware that others can hear their conversation. As a matter of fact, their waves could cause a damage to our brains. Those who are using phones can also be a dangerous distraction. For instance, a driver who operates her mobile while driving can cause distraction in concentration. In conclusion, the mobile phone has become an indispensable tool in people's daily life. Not only used for communication, but it also functions as an internet browser and so forth. Moreover, nothing can be overused without side effects. The contribution of the mobile phone to our modern society is prominent and people 's dependence on it is irreversible, although it has a number of problems that should be well-handled. When using it, users need to consider carefully about the aforementioned technical, social and medical issues above.
Presently
, An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated topic is whether using cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
exerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on human life.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
could bring about,
however
, numerous problems of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it need to
be concerned
.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
their remain connected with the world from wherever they are.
Furthermore
, they play with features on the applications such as online networks, email, camera and video stay in touch with families, friends and colleagues.
In addition
, the society is
also
considering the entertainment on app as a source income.
In particular
, gamers who play on game to achieve rewards. They can operate alone in term or online.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be a problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public area. In fact, ringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
probably
would cause disturbance in cinema or school lessons. For students there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to activate tools with time procedures. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware that others can hear their conversation. As a matter of fact, their waves could cause
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "damage".
a damage
to our brains. Those who are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
also
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
distraction.
For instance
, a driver who operates her mobile while driving can cause distraction in concentration.

In conclusion
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has become an indispensable tool in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily life. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
functions as an internet browser and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Moreover
, nothing can
be overused
without side effects. The contribution of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to our modern society is prominent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
's dependence on it is irreversible, although it has a number of problems that should be well-handled. When using it, users need to consider
carefully
about the aforementioned technical, social and medical issues above.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Students Need Access to Movie CollectionThe university library has a large collection of films on video and DVD that students can borrow. However, students aren't allowed to go into the area where these items are kept. Instead, students need to reque v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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