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Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this?

Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? Py7E
people are increasingly suffering from sicknesses as a result of stress. This essay will discuss the main causes of stress-related sicknesses including longer working hours and increased job pressures. This essay will also suggest solutions to these problems including improving one's work-life balance and diet. People are working longer hours than ever before. In addition they have more job pressures. People place themselves under these unfavorable conditions because the workforce is a competitive domain. For example, some people aspire to climb the corporate ladder to gain high status and a high paying job. This often results in mental and physical suffering because they have to work overtime and take on additional roles which can be stressful. Maintaining a good work-life balance and improving one's diet are both critical to mitigating stress related illnesses. People need to realise that if they live only for work they will suffer either mentally or physically and a poor diet will further exacerbate these issues. For example, many employees burn out from working too much and neglecting family, friends, exercise and hobbies as well as the foods they eat. Therefore, in order to reduce work one must include a better ratio of work, rest, recreation and dietary sustenance. In conclusion, in today's fast paced world more and more people are becoming ill as a result of stress. This essay discussed how stress is often caused by long working hours and intense workplace pressure. This essay also suggested that the solutions to this problem are twofold: to manage a better work-life balance and to eat a healthier diet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
are
increasingly
suffering from sicknesses
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss the main causes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related sicknesses including longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and increased job pressures. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
suggest solutions to these problems including improving one's work-life balance and diet.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer hours than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
have more job pressures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
place themselves

under these unfavorable conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the workforce is a competitive domain.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aspire to climb the corporate ladder to gain high status and a high paying job. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in mental and physical suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime and take on additional roles which can be stressful.

Maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life balance and improving one's diet are both critical to mitigating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related illnesses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they will suffer either mentally or
physically
and a poor diet will
further
exacerbate these issues.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees burn out from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
too much and neglecting family, friends, exercise and hobbies
as well
as the foods they eat.
Therefore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include a better ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, rest, recreation and dietary sustenance.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming ill
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
caused by long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and intense workplace pressure. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggested that the solutions to this problem are twofold: to manage a better work-life balance and to eat a healthier diet.
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IELTS essay Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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