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Stress related illness are becoming more common . What do you think are the cause of this?

Stress related illness are becoming more common. What do you think are the cause of this? qV0KP
In advanced world ailment related anxiety and depression have been noticed naturally among growing population. There may be many hidden causes of these diseases which I will elaborate in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, Most common root may be giving more priority to earn money and less to entertainment which is a part of a healthy lifestyle but in everyone in this busiest era is focused to gain name and fame without losing time this trend has influenced by other performers in the going pace by which unlearned people have fallen into deteriorate lifestyle. On the other hand, getting another view of points along with that with the capability of tolerance status can be altered by doing hard work if a person doesn't hesitate of adapting upcoming challenges. Moreover well known quote has been written by the author that "practice makes man perfect". Because barrier in the path can be tackled if the aim of the soul is straight forward which further could provide satisfaction and perfection. To sum up, countless obstruction are occurred in human life span but this is up to person that how he solves and shows his potential.
In advanced world ailment related anxiety and depression have
been noticed
naturally
among growing population. There may be
many
hidden causes of these diseases which I will elaborate in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
begin
with, Most common root may be giving more priority to earn money and less to entertainment which is a part of a healthy lifestyle
but
in everyone in this busiest era
is focused
to gain name and fame without losing time this trend has influenced by other performers in the going pace by which unlearned
people
have fallen into deteriorate lifestyle.

On the other hand
, getting another view of points along with that with the capability of tolerance status can
be altered
by doing
hard
work if a person doesn't hesitate of adapting upcoming challenges.
Moreover
well known quote has
been written
by the author that
"
practice
makes
man
perfect
"
.
Because
barrier in the path can
be tackled
if the aim of the soul is straight forward which
further
could provide satisfaction and perfection.

To sum up, countless obstruction
are occurred
in human life span
but
this is up to person that how he solves and
shows
his potential.
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IELTS essay Stress related illness are becoming more common. What do you think are the cause of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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