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do you agree or disagree with the following idea: with the help of technology, students will benefit greatly from studying by themselves at home

with the following idea: with the help of technology, students will benefit greatly from studying by themselves at home RNRgG
I agree with the idea advanced technology will help students greatly in studying by themselves at home. Firstly, studying at home will help us save so much money. We don’t have to buy so many books and school supplies. It will help us save time and energy too, because we don’t have to spend much time on travelling to school. Secondly, you can see there is a lot of traffic on the way especially in rush hours. There are always accidents on the road. Studying at home will help us avoid dangers on the way to school and make traffic less heavy. In addition, we can search for information easily and quickly with a tablet. It’s very convenient. It helps us to save time and we can finish our projects quicker and make them more informative. In conclusion, I think advanced technology really helps us in studying and it brings us more joy in learning new knowledge.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
advanced technology will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
students
greatly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
by themselves at home.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at home will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money. We don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
books and school supplies. It will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us save time and energy too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend much time on travelling to school.
Secondly
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
traffic on the way
especially
in rush hours. There are always accidents on the road.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
at home will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
on the way to school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
traffic less heavy.
In addition
, we can search for information
easily
and
quickly
with a tablet. It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to save
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
we can finish our projects quicker and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more informative.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advanced technology
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and it brings us more joy in learning new knowledge.
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IELTS essay with the following idea: with the help of technology, students will benefit greatly from studying by themselves at home

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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