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Today’s children meet academic, social and commercial pressures. What do you think are the causes and what solutions are possible?

Today’s children meet academic, social and commercial pressures. What do you think are the causes and what solutions are possible? dol62
Civilization has brought about scholastic, interactional and materialistic pressures that today’s children undergo. As opposed to the seeds of the plight seeming quite evident, the resolutions are by no means going to be simple; nevertheless, they exist. Seeing a child heading to school with a bag almost twice as heavy as a child himself is already oppressive. This is because parents have unrealistic expectations from their children. They want them to excel in every field, thus not letting them bring out their hidden talents and find their niche. This complication in itself gives rise to many other corollaries. The root of all of these mishaps is that today’s child competes with a child not of his neighborhood, but of a ‘global village’. This means that globalization may be another cause of the predicament. This all becomes a setback in both physical and mental developments of a child. Not only do academic pressures come out of globalization, but social and commercial ones, too, stem from this. While parents goad their children into advocating their inherited rites and rituals, or customs, the entire world coerces them into assimilating into a globalized world; hence, a child is in a muddle over the mishap. This is likely to bring about a horrible scenario - a child chooses neither and prefers individuality, therefore becoming a person far from being a community one. As far as commercial tensions are concerned, causes are various. Some of them, in my personal view, are globalization, up-to-date technology, and above all, peer pressure, which is positive if peers can differentiate vice and virtue, and rather negative if they cannot. Consider a child walking with his friends and see them use gadgets that his parents cannot afford to buy. Naturally, a child gets depressed. For the world has changed dramatically, such issues were not seen heretofore. More precisely, the solutions are not going to be easy-to-approach. Parents had better have realistic expectations from their children, and a child has to be handled with great care and love. However, the main onus is on teachers. A child has to learn not to compete, but to co-operate; more vitally, a child has to have no hurdle on his route to finding himself. Summing up, I reiterate my opinion that a child must be shielded from today’s pressures. Challenging though the solutions to the hitch are, they are realistic, at the very least.
Civilization has brought about scholastic, interactional and materialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
undergo. As opposed to the seeds of the plight seeming quite evident, the resolutions are by no means going to be simple;
nevertheless
, they exist.

Seeing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
heading to school with a bag almost twice as heavy as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
himself is already oppressive. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have unrealistic expectations from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They want them to excel in every field,
thus
not letting them bring out their hidden talents and find their niche. This complication in itself gives rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other corollaries. The root of all of these mishaps is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
competes with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
not of his neighborhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
of a ‘global village’. This means that globalization may be another cause of the predicament. This all becomes a setback in both physical and mental developments of a child.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of globalization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
social and commercial ones, too, stem from this. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
goad their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into advocating their inherited rites and rituals, or customs, the entire world coerces them into assimilating into a globalized world;
hence
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is in a muddle over the mishap. This is likely to bring about a horrible scenario
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
chooses neither and prefers individuality,
therefore
becoming a person far from being a community one.

As far as commercial tensions
are concerned
, causes are various.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them, in my personal view, are globalization, up-to-date technology, and
above all
, peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
if peers can differentiate vice and virtue, and
rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
if they cannot. Consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
walking with his friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
gadgets that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Naturally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
depressed.

For the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
, such issues were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
heretofore. More
precisely
, the solutions are not going to be easy-to-approach.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
had better have realistic expectations from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be handled
with great care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
However
, the main onus is on teachers. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
learn not to compete,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to co-operate; more
vitally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have no hurdle on his route to finding himself.

Summing up, I reiterate my opinion that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shielded
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
. Challenging though the solutions to the hitch are, they are realistic, at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
least.

IELTS essay Today’s children meet academic, social and commercial pressures. What do you think are the causes and what solutions are possible?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
399 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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