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Stress caused by work is becoming a major problem worldwide. What are the reasons for this? How could this problem be tackled?

Stress caused by work is becoming a major problem worldwide. What are the reasons for this? How could this problem be tackled? yxrrJ
In this day and age, overwork leading to stress is a general and common state which is frequently mentioned in many nations around the world. This essay will now discuss some reasons of this detrimental mental condition and suggest several solutions that can decrease stress levels among people. It is obvious that heavy workload increases an anxiety among workers. In Japan, employees ought to carry a significant burden of work that they have to do their job all day and even overtime to finish. As a result, a huge number of Japanese workers needs energy drinks to boost their ability to work and stay awake. Unfortunately, a considerable rate of people decide to commit suicide because they cannot stand the pressure in Japan grows year basis. This phenomenon has appeared in other countries as well and it needs a lot of effort from both governments and citizens to be solved. However, I believe that people can change the way they work in order to reduce the pressure. There have been numerous scientifically evidences that although people were busy with their work, they were not really do it effectively and productively. Instead, workers can apply a “less is more” methodology with their work to modify the work efficiency. The key core of this method is that people cut off some unimportant things that they do not need to be completed immediately and stay focused on maximum three vital works per day. Many developed countries have applied this method to their citizens and according to experts’ survey, people who live in those countries have less stress caused by work than the others. In conclusion, despite the fact that heavy workload leads to stress to people around the world, I assume that we can decrease this detrimental mental condition by changing our working method.
In this day and age, overwork leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is a general and common state which is
frequently
mentioned in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations around the world. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons of this detrimental mental condition and suggest several solutions that can decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
levels among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

It is obvious that heavy workload increases an anxiety among workers. In Japan, employees ought to carry a significant burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do their job all day and even overtime to finish.
As a result
, a huge number of Japanese workers needs energy drinks to boost their ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and stay awake. Unfortunately, a considerable rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to commit suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot stand the pressure in Japan grows year basis. This phenomenon has appeared in other countries
as well
and it needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort from both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and citizens to
be solved
.

However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure. There have been numerous
scientifically
evidences that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were busy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they were not
really
do it
effectively
and
productively
.
Instead
, workers can apply a “less is more” methodology with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to modify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency. The key core of this method is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unimportant things that they do not need to
be completed
immediately and stay focused on maximum three vital works per day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have applied this method to their citizens and according to experts’ survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in those countries have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than the others.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that heavy workload leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world, I assume that we can decrease this detrimental mental condition by changing our working method.
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IELTS essay Stress caused by work is becoming a major problem worldwide. What are the reasons for this? How could this problem be tackled?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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