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Story writing. Tina was very excited when she heard that she had won the prize.

Story writing. Tina was very excited when she heard that she had won the prize. kebyK
Tina was very excited when she heard that she had won the prize. She was athletic in running a marathon. She used to do sport when she was 6 years old. Although it wasn't with pleasure, she did it properly and work hard at her dad's request. That day the day began with sunny lights shining from the window. It refreshed me and drove me out of fatigue from yesterday's training. So she got up in a hurry and run into the bathroom. While having a bath I was thinking about the forthcoming competition. I was so excited that I couldn't eat anything. Generally, every day I used to have breakfast with many healthy foods: some bread with ham on thin cheese. Also, I prefer the boiling eggs and drinking freshly squeezed juice.
Tina was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited when she heard that she had won the prize. She was athletic in running a marathon. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do sport when she was 6 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Although it wasn't with pleasure, she did it
properly
and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at her dad's request. That day the day began with sunny lights shining from the window. It refreshed me and drove me out of fatigue from yesterday's training.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
up in a hurry and run into the bathroom.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
having a bath I was thinking about the forthcoming competition. I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited that I couldn't eat anything.
Generally
, every day I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have breakfast with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
healthy foods:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bread with ham on thin cheese.
Also
, I prefer the boiling eggs and drinking
freshly
squeezed juice.

IELTS essay Story writing. Tina was very excited when she heard that she had won the prize.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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