Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Story about freshman of Cambridge University

Story about freshman of Cambridge University BgjYp
Passing all the demanding and challenging examinations with flying colors, I finally have become a freshman of Cambridge University - a well-known university in England. I spent more than 10 years completing my childhood dream. Never did I think I could forget this unforgettable memory in my entire life. Tracing back to the time when I was a primary student, I used to tell my nearest and dearest that in the foreseen future, I would study abroad in England. Indeed, I formed my big dream when I was 7 years old. At that time, my father was just a worker from a small company in a village. My mom, however, left me when I was only 3 years old. I just saw my mother through the picture taken by my father when she was a high school student. Although my family had a difficult living condition, I always did my best to achieve a scholarship as much as possible to support my family’s finances. Life went on, I took a senior high school entrance examination to my favorite high school - Le Hong Phong high school for the gifted. Luckily, I had become a valedictorian this year, I should have had a shift from my village to Ho Chi Minh City for studying. Unfortunately, my father’s company was out of business, he became jobless, which means my family’s finances have become more and more difficult than ever. Because of the economic loss, I could hardly become a Le Hong Phong’s students, and my dream was closed. My father did many various jobs for a living, from a farmer to a waiter to guarantee that my studying is still stable. Knowing my living conditions, I decided to study in a normal school in my village. One day, there was a university tour that came to my village and introduced me to studying abroad scholarship. Holding a paper application, I immediately reminisced about my childhood dream - becoming an oversea student. I read carefully every detailed requirement, only by achieving 100% scholarship can I have the opportunity to study in my dream university. With continuity efforts, I passed the exam with flying colours and became the first Vietnamese student to gain a perfect score and passed Cambridge University. Although there were many challenging things to adapt to a new environment in the foreign country. I still keep the fire of passion in studying. Up to the present, my family's economy has been better and my father has found a stable job to make a living. Thanks to my strong will, I have gone through my hardest time in my life. I believe that those who always do their best, never stop studying will deserve a good thing back. Indeed, life is not a bed of roses, the more challenging situations you overcome, the more successful you
Passing all the demanding and challenging examinations with flying colors, I
finally
have

become a freshman of Cambridge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in England. I spent

more than 10 years completing my childhood dream. Never did I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I could forget this

unforgettable memory in my entire life.

Tracing back to the time when I was a primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
my nearest and dearest

that in the foreseen future, I would study abroad in England.
Indeed
, I formed my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
dream

when I was 7 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. At that time, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a worker from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in a

village. My mom,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
me when I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
my mother through

the picture taken by my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
when she was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Although my family had a

difficult living condition, I always did my best to achieve a scholarship as much as possible to

support my family’s finances. Life went on, I took a senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
entrance examination

to my favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Le Hong
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for the gifted. Luckily, I had become

a valedictorian this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, I should have had a shift from my village to Ho Chi Minh City for

studying. Unfortunately, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
was out of business, he became jobless, which

means my family’s finances have become more and more difficult than ever.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the

economic loss, I could hardly become a Le Hong
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phong
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and my dream
was closed
.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various jobs for a living, from a farmer to a waiter to guarantee that my

studying is
still
stable. Knowing my living conditions, I decided to study in a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in

my village. One day, there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
tour that came to my village and introduced me to

studying abroad scholarship. Holding a paper application, I immediately reminisced about

my childhood dream
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
becoming an oversea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. I read
carefully
every detailed

requirement,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by achieving 100% scholarship can I have the opportunity to study in my

dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. With continuity efforts, I passed the exam with flying
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and became

the
first
Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to gain a perfect score and passed Cambridge University.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenging things to adapt to a new environment in the foreign

country. I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the fire of passion in studying. Up to the present, my family's economy has

been better and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
has found a stable job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living.

Thanks to my strong will, I have gone through my hardest time in my life. I believe that those

who always do their best, never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
studying will deserve a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing back.
Indeed
, life is

not a bed of roses, the more challenging situations you overcome, the more successful you
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Story about freshman of Cambridge University

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
473 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts