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Sports encourage competition than cooperation.Therefore,school should ban sports.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sports encourage competition than cooperation. Therefore, school should ban sports. NV87g
Some people hold an belief that sports activities promoted competition among players rather than cooperation. As a result, schools had better limit or prohibit such activities. From my own point of view, I strongly oppose this idea for several reasons, which will be listed below. Sports are not only enhancing the competition but also cooperation in players. Except for individual sports, it is clear that some physical games require a strong sense of cooperation among participants. For instance, football, volleyball and basketball are these most well-known team sports that strengthen the cooperation skills for players. When participants are immersed in sports, their communicating abilities are dramatically improved. This is because players have to contact at a frequent rate with teammates during the match, stimulating their minds to work properly. There is no point in banning sports in school since they have brought several benefits for schools and for students. Firstly, the competition and cooperation that sports bring about have trained the persistence and commitment among each student. Most important, students have learnt that the only way leading to success and glory is by hard working. Secondly, owning a huge sports achievements contributes to build up prestige of school. A prestigious academic institution is not only considered to born outstanding scientists but also to train great athletes of all time. Moreover, gifted students, especially in sports field, are welcomed by top tier universities. For instance, the Havard University and Princeton University show their preference for the champion team of the USA’s high school basketball league as they will provide a full scholarship for them. To sum up, I totally disagree with the above opinion for aforementioned reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities promoted competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
had better limit or prohibit such activities. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view, I
strongly
oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for several reasons, which will
be listed
below.

Sports are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhancing the competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical games require a strong sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
among participants.
For instance
, football, volleyball and basketball are these most well-known team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. When participants
are immersed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, their communicating abilities are
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
contact at a frequent rate with teammates during the match, stimulating their minds to work
properly
.

There is no point in banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
since they have brought several benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, the competition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring about have trained the persistence and commitment among each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way leading to success and glory is by
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
.
Secondly
, owning a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
achievements contributes to build up prestige of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. A prestigious academic institution is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
considered to born outstanding scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to train great athletes of all time.
Moreover
, gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
field,
are welcomed
by top tier universities.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havard
University and Princeton University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their preference for the champion team of the USA’s high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
basketball league as they will provide a full scholarship for them.

To sum up, I
totally
disagree with the above opinion for aforementioned reasons.
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IELTS essay Sports encourage competition than cooperation. Therefore, school should ban sports.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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