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Sports and games create disturbance in student's life because they can't fully concentrate in their study. Do you agree or disagree?

Sports and games create disturbance in student's life because they can't fully concentrate in their study. 7pXQk
In this contemporary era, not only education but also extra curricular activities are essential for overall growth of the students. However, it is argued that disturbance is created by the sports and games in the student's study as they can not completely focus on study. I completely disagree with the given statement and firmly believe that these events help a lot in the life of students. Number of accountable factors to support my point will be elaborated in the following content. To embark upon, participating in numerous sports can build up sportsmanship and leadership skill in students. For better illustration, a student can learn how to lead the team only if he\she participants in some group sport or game. In games like cricket and football, for instance, captain has a great role to control and lead the team in better position. As a result, leadership skill can helps the students in their better future. Nevertheless, sports and games contribute in overall growth of the students. In detail, if the students involve in extra activities, they can learn something new rather than their study's course which can also be their carrier goal in future. Consequently, those students who are weak in study can have something to focus on to build the carrier. Furthermore, Such events create friendly behaviour and harmony environment among students. To conclude, i extremely think, dispite the fact that extra activities may effect in student's life a little, it can growth their personalities, leadership skills, sportsmanship and friendly behaviour.
In this contemporary era, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities are essential for
overall
growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, it
is argued
that disturbance
is created
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the student's study as they can not completely focus on study. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and
firmly
believe that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a lot in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Number of accountable factors to support my point will
be elaborated
in the following content.

To embark upon, participating in numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can build up sportsmanship and leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. For better illustration, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can learn how to lead the team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if he\
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'she'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
she participants
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or game. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket and football,
for instance
, captain has a great role to control and lead the team in better position.
As a result
, leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their better future.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contribute in
overall
growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In detail, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
involve in extra activities, they can learn something new
rather
than their study's course which can
also
be their carrier goal
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Consequently
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are weak in study can have something to focus on to build the carrier.
Furthermore
, Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
create friendly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and harmony environment among students.

To conclude
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dispite
the fact that extra activities may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
in student's life a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
, it
The word 'growth' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can growth
their personalities, leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, sportsmanship and friendly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
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IELTS essay Sports and games create disturbance in student's life because they can't fully concentrate in their study.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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