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Sports activities are essential in school life for children. Do you agree or disagree?

Sports activities are essential in school life for children. qam7D
These days, the most popular discussion in school is whether we should include sports activities in students’ daily routine. In my point of view, I do think sports activities need to be involved since sports are included in the five ways of life which means sports are important in our life. Firstly, in order to keep students’ brain and body healthy, sports activities are supposed to be needed in school life. If students learn for a long period or learn for the whole day, their brain will be blank, so that they could not absorb any knowledge. Absorbing knowledge is like eating food, if you are full, you cannot eat any food unless you have digested all of it. The process of digesting is just like the sport activities, adequate sports activities can make students’ clear-headed, so that they can absorb more knowledge then. Besides that, doing sports can keep themselves fit, as a result, they can be fit and healthy at the same time, and that is what girls are looking for. Moreover, many sports activities can develop students’ cooperation and also teamwork, and it is useful for students’ future. Such as basketball, football, volleyball and baseball. These sports need teamwork and communication or the team will lose. From my point of view, whenever in social life or in school, teamwork is necessary, hence we can communicate with each other easier. In conclusion, for the purpose of getting better and more focusing on learning, sports activities are compulsory in students’ school life.
These days, the most popular discussion in
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school
is whether we should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
daily routine. In my point of view, I do
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think
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sports
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activities
need to
be involved
since
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sports
are included
in the five ways of
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life
which means
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sports
are
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important
in our life.

Firstly
, in order to
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keep
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students’
brain and body healthy,
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sports
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activities
are supposed
to
be needed
in
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
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students
learn for a long period or learn for the whole day, their brain will be blank,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could not absorb any knowledge. Absorbing knowledge is like eating food, if you are full, you cannot eat any food unless you have digested all of it. The process of digesting is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the
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sport
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activities
, adequate
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sports
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activities
can
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make
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students’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
-headed,
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so
that they can absorb more knowledge
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then
.
Besides
that, doing
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sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit,
as a result
, they can
be fit
and healthy at the same time, and
that is
what girls are looking for.

Moreover
,
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many
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sports
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activities
can develop
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students’
cooperation and
also
teamwork, and it is useful for
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students’
future. Such as basketball, football, volleyball and baseball. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
need teamwork and communication or the team will lose. From my point of view, whenever in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, teamwork is necessary,
hence
we can communicate with each other easier.

In conclusion
, for the purpose of getting better and more focusing on learning,
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are compulsory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Sports activities are essential in school life for children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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