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sportpeople should have better pay

sportpeople should have better pay rdek
On one hand, there are reasons why sportspeople should earn a lot of money. First of all, they are representing their countries. To be a hero of a county is of course worth a big salary. Secondly, the sportspeople are physically demanding. They should maintain their bodies and skills to be able to do their best work in representing their countries. For these efforts, they need to be more appreciated because they take a lot of time and money. Thirdly, they have achievement pressure. It is important for the sportspeople to be always win. The often they win, the more money that they get. Also, in that way, they will be more appreciated both by the people and the country. On the other hand, there are other professions that also need to be appreciated. For example, the teachers and the nurses. Both of them usually use their intelligents more often than their physics/ bodies. So, to be a nurse or a teacher, people should study very hard. Not every people can be a teacher or a nurse. Another reason is they serve the public and have a direct impact to the community. Their role is so important to most of the people in daily life. In addition, they have a high risk on their jobs as well as the sportspeople. For example, the nurses are risking their lives everyday on the attack of deadly pathogen while saving the sick people at the same time. Teachers as well, they should be always good in educating people. This is because the risk of having a bad teacher is the destruction of the future generations.
On one hand, there are reasons why sportspeople should earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they are representing their countries. To be a hero of a county is
of course
worth a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
salary.
Secondly
, the sportspeople are
physically
demanding. They should maintain their bodies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to be able to do their best work in representing their countries. For these efforts, they need to be more appreciated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and money.
Thirdly
, they have achievement pressure. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the sportspeople to be always
Consider using a past participle here: "won".
win
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they win, the more money that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Also
, in that way, they will be more appreciated both by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the country.

On the other hand
, there are other professions that
also
need to
be appreciated
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
. Both of them
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
intelligents
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than their physics/ bodies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. Not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
. Another reason is they serve the public and have a direct impact to the community. Their role is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in daily life.
In addition
, they have a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
on their jobs
as well
as the sportspeople.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
are risking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
everyday on the attack of deadly pathogen while saving the sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the same time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
as well
, they should be always
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at educating"?
good in educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is the destruction of the future generations.
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IELTS essay sportpeople should have better pay

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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