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sport should be considered as an essential part of school life or optional

sport should be considered as an essential part of school life or optional LrPwp
Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life while others feel it should be purely optional. Both side of this subject will be explained below. On the one hand, sport supportive people say that, sport has a lot of marked benefits for a child. For example, there is time for children to stay healthy and enjoy spending time together by doing sports at school. They say not only sport makes their body stay healthy but also it helps to improve their mental health. In addition, sport help students to get rid of stress and anxiety. So, probably it is a win-win subject that wise students can learn a lot from it. On the other hand, those who are not supporting sport say that, for those students who are not into sport, It is a wasting time. Even for the sporty ones. It is logical that this time should be spent on other subjects which can help them to get a better scholarship for university. They say Maybe sport is not as important as other subjects. Their whole idea is that sport should obviously be an option for sporty students not to be forced to shortish ones which is unwise to do. Overall, by all respect for both sides. I am saying this by my own experience which sport is a necessary subject for children. There has to be sport time for students, Though there are students who are not sporty. Because It is important and essential to consider children mental and physical health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
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sport
is an essential part of school life while others feel it should be
purely
optional. Both side of this
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subject
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
below.

On the one hand,
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sport
supportive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that,
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sport
has
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a lot of
marked benefits for a child.
For example
, there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for children to stay healthy and enjoy spending
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time
together by doing
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sports
at school. They say not
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only
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sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their body stay healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental health.
In addition
,
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sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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students
to
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get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
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So
,
probably
it is a win-win
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subject
that wise
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students
can learn a lot from it.

On the
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other
hand, those who are not supporting
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sport
say that, for those
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students
who are not into
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sport
, It is a wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Even for the sporty
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ones
. It is logical that this
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time
should
be spent
on
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other
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subjects
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better scholarship for university. They say Maybe
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sport
is not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
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other
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subjects
. Their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that
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sport
should
obviously
be an option for sporty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not to
be forced
to shortish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which is unwise to do.

Overall
, by all respect for both sides. I am saying this by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for children. There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, Though there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not sporty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and essential to consider children mental and physical health.
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IELTS essay sport should be considered as an essential part of school life or optional

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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