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Animals deserve to be treated better than they are by man.Do you agree?

Animals deserve to be treated better than they are by man. Do you agree? dpya2
It is said that animals should be treated fairly well than they are by humans. It is often true according to useless or unreasonable experiments on animals today. Because animals should not suffer from human needs. It may be right or reasonable that people should really take care of animals instead of doing or taking benefits for fashionable clothes or building equipments. For instance animals are likely endangered of risk or extinction because lots of people want to kill or hunt for their skins or fur to make jackets, purses or shoes as well as bags and etcetera. In addition to this, in some countries dogs and cats are hanged or skinned alive for fur. In my personal opinion, people need to more careful about animals and deserve or respect animals just like humans. As a fact that every year millions of animals are suffered from experiments of testing or they become like the guinea pig. I think humans should stop doing this or make sure if it is safe or not. To sum up, humans should treat to animals fairly in order to be a friend and which not to be forced or not to be killed in a testing.
It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be treated
fairly
Use "better" to make a comparison with this adjective.
well
than they are by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
true according to useless or unreasonable experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs. It may be right or reasonable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
really
take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
instead
of doing or taking benefits for fashionable clothes or building equipments.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are likely endangered of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
or extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to kill or hunt for their skins or fur to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
jackets, purses or shoes
as well
as bags and etcetera.
In addition
to this, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries dogs and cats
are hanged
or skinned alive for fur. In my personal opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to more careful about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and deserve or respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. As a fact that every year millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are suffered
from experiments of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
testing or
they become like the guinea pig. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
doing this or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure if it is safe or not. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should treat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
fairly
in order to be a friend and which not to
be forced
or not to
be killed
in a testing.
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IELTS essay Animals deserve to be treated better than they are by man. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
201 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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