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Sport is becoming a business. More and more companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you think that is a positive or negative development?

Sport is becoming a business. More and more companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you think that is a positive or negative development? 1552A
It has been claimed by some that sport is becoming a profitable business where many companies are interested in being involved for their profits. In my opinion, this is a negative development. This essay will examine my view in more details. It is undeniable that big sporting events are being financially supported by some big companies, turning them into profitable businesses and changing the whole purpose of these games. Even more, athletes are offered a big sum of money by companies if they advertise for their brands. Moreover, if they win, those businesses will pay them another chunk of the money. In other words, this can put them into lots of stress and anxiety resulting in unhealthy competition between team members. If this trend continues, sports events will become more of a competition between business rivals as opposed to being a friendly play between players. Another downside of this development lies in the fact that athletes look at sport as a money trade instead of enjoying the play. Thus, some athletes do lots of illegal moves to gain even more money and the ramification for them would be to be banned from playing in their team forever. For example, during the 2010 world Olympics, a famous athlete from Russia used illegal substances to increase his power and lifted 50 lbs more weight than his counterpart. Once the community of dopping noticed he cheated, he was banned for 3 years from any competitive sports and he lost his reputation across the world. To sum up, it is my belief that turning sports events into business has changed the whole meaning of these events around the world, has put athletes in lots of unnecessary stress and troubles. It would be best if we could separate business from sports events and only enjoy sporting events for the sake of fun only.
It has
been claimed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is becoming a profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are interested
in
being involved
for their profits. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. This essay will examine my view in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are being
financially
supported by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, turning them into profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and changing the whole purpose of these games. Even more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are offered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
if they advertise for their brands.
Moreover
, if they win, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will pay them another chunk of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
, this can put them into lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety resulting in unhealthy competition between team members. If this trend continues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will become more of a competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
rivals as opposed to being a friendly play between players.

Another downside of this development lies in the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
trade
instead
of enjoying the play.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
do lots of illegal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to gain even more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and the ramification for them would be to
be banned
from playing in their team forever.
For example
, during the 2010 world Olympics, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
from Russia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
illegal substances to increase his power and lifted 50 lbs more weight than his counterpart. Once the community of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dopping
noticed he cheated, he
was banned
for 3 years from any competitive
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
he lost his reputation across the world.

To sum up, it is my belief that turning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the whole meaning of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
around the world, has put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
in lots of unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and troubles. It would be best if we could separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoy sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for the sake of fun
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
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IELTS essay Sport is becoming a business. More and more companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you think that is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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