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sport industry and professional salaries

sport industry and professional salaries Ew70b
People have different views about the vast difference in salaries between sports stars and people in other professions. In my opinion, I would argue that it is unfair for people working in other fields. On the one hand, many people justify sports stars’ current salaries. Firstly, they believe that becoming a successful individual in sports would require consistent hard work and vigorous training. If those celebrities did not have considerable determination, their chances of worldwide acknowledgment would have been less. Therefore, they truly deserve high salaries in terms of what they go through. Secondly, they represent their countries by participating in international competitions, such as the World Cup, and bring laurels for their nations, which justifies their enormous earnings. On the other hand, I would side with those who think that it is unfair for people in other sectors to receive low salaries. Other professions, such as scientific research or medicine, are indispensable and much more essential for social development and security. However, science or medical experts are paid much less than sports celebrities, regardless of their outstanding contributions to technological advancement and health care. Furthermore, sometimes sports stars might set a bad example or bring down the image of their country. But they still receive huge payment sand sponsorships when compared to scientists and doctors, which is unfair. In conclusion, I agree with people who think paying sport professionals much higher than others who silently contribute to society is unreasonable.
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People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the vast difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions. In my opinion, I would argue that it is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
justify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Firstly
, they believe that becoming a successful individual in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
would require consistent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and vigorous training. If those celebrities did not have considerable determination, their chances of worldwide acknowledgment would have been less.
Therefore
, they
truly
deserve high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
in terms of what they go through.
Secondly
, they represent their countries by participating in international competitions, such as the World Cup, and bring laurels for their nations, which justifies their enormous earnings.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I would side with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors to receive low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
professions, such as scientific research or medicine, are indispensable and much more essential for social development and security.
However
, science or medical experts
are paid
much less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrities, regardless of their outstanding contributions to technological advancement and health care.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars might set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example or bring down the image of their country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
still
receive huge payment sand sponsorships when compared to scientists and doctors, which is unfair.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
professionals much higher than others who
silently
contribute to society is unreasonable.
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IELTS essay sport industry and professional salaries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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