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sport and social activities are asimportant as a class or library in a university

sport and social activities are asimportant as a class or library in a university JoYk5
A university is a place to grow up students' skills in both educational and social aspects. Dividing of financial support among educational system and other parts of university like sport and social activities is always a controversial argument among universities officials and also students. Even though some people think the dominant goal of each university is educating students scientifically, but, I, personally, subscribe to this idea that prove social and mental skills among students is as important as educational aspects. All persons who want to be a successful person in real life, must improve their social and mental skills that it will be accessed in universities via some activities. Also, as far as educational aspect is concerned, the mental condition among the student of a university is a significant parameter affecting it. Firstly, educated persons will not be prosper in their life unless get train in all aspects, sport and social aspects beside educational aspect, in their universities. If people have a lot knowledges in their life, but are not versatile and extroverted persons, they wouldn’t thrive in their job and even their personal life. Everyone must be able to get along with their colleagues while they are working. Social skill if isn’t more useful character for a person, undoubtedly as an equal one in comparison to educational skills. Additionally, every person needs to be healthy in both physical and mental sights. People can do their best in their life only with fresh and health mind which can reach with some activities like sports. Hence, it is very important for every university to spend equal money for social and sport activities besides educational centers like class and library. For example, Esfahan University in Iran don’t train thrive people because of lacking of social and sport activities among its students. In fact, these students bother from lack of proper sport and social places in their university. They aren’t happy and active during studying period that lead to setback their skills even in education. In opposite, Sharif University considers equal financial support for both educational, social and sport activities. Students who educate in this university are always active and be trained in versatile way. They are success not only during their studying but also in their work and life. Secondly, one of the important duty of a university is prepare conditions for student with less cost of living. Nowadays, most people notice all their required in order to have more prosperous life. They do their educational or work task along with some social and sport activities. They consider these aspects of their life to enrich their mental conditions and enjoy from their life. If a university don’t spend enough money to prepare these place with a state-of-the-art level, most student must go off campus that not only will increased their cost of living but also get more time of them to attend off-campus center. These will cause involving students in secondary matters like getting part job to passing life, following getting away from their educational goal. In summary, in my opinion, sport and social activities have equal importance with educational aspect in a university. Hence, universities must financially support these universities centers as well as educational place like classes. By considering this, the universities will be able to have more active and happier students with more skill which need for everyone to reach success in his or her life.
A
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university
is a
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place
to grow up students'
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skills
in both
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educational
and
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social
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aspects
. Dividing of financial support among
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educational
system and other parts of
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university
like
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sport
and
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social
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activities
is always a controversial argument among
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universities
officials and
also
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students
.
Even though
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some
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people
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think
the dominant goal of each
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university
is educating
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students
scientifically
,
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but
, I,
personally
, subscribe to this
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idea
that prove
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social
and
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mental
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skills
among
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students
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
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educational
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aspects
. All
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persons
who want to be a successful
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person
in real
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life
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
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social
and
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mental
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skills
that it will
be accessed
in
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universities
via
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some
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activities
.
Also
, as far as
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educational
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aspect
is concerned
, the
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mental
condition among the
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student
of a
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university
is a significant parameter affecting it.

Firstly
, educated
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persons
will not be
Consider using a past participle here: "prospered".
prosper
in their
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life
unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
train in all
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aspects
,
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sport
and
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social
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aspects
beside
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educational
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aspect
, in their
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universities
. If
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people
have
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of knowledges"?
a lot knowledges
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not versatile and extroverted
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persons
, they wouldn’t thrive in their job and even their personal
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life
. Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with their colleagues while they are working.
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Social
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skill
if isn’t more useful character for a
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person
,
undoubtedly
as an
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equal
one
in comparison
to
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educational
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skills
.
Additionally
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
needs to be healthy in both physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
sights.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can do their best in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with fresh and health mind which can reach with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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activities
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
besides
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educational
centers like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and library.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Esfahan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in Iran don’t train thrive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lacking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
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sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
among its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In fact, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
bother from lack of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. They aren’t happy and active during studying period that lead to setback their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
even in education. In opposite, Sharif
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University
considers
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equal
financial support for both
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educational
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who educate in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
are always active and
be trained
in versatile way. They are success not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
during their studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in their work and life.

Secondly
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
duty of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is prepare conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with less cost of living. Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
notice all their required in order to have more prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
or work task along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They consider these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to enrich their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
conditions and enjoy from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
don’t spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to prepare these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with a state-of-the-art level, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go off campus that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "increase"
increased
their cost of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time of them to attend off-campus center. These will cause involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in secondary matters like getting part job to passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, following getting away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
goal.

In summary, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
importance with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
financially
support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
centers
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
like classes. By considering this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
will be able to have more active and happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which need for everyone to reach success in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay sport and social activities are asimportant as a class or library in a university

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
567 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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