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is it important for older people to learn new things just like young people do

is it important for older people to learn new things just like young people do WyGQk
Some people agree that older people should study or learn new things as it is for younger people. Others, however, do not support this view. Based on my personal life experiences, I definitely agree that it is important for older people to learn new things just like young people do. First of all, older people need companions to talk to and learning how to use technology helps them meet new friends. For example, in mycountries, many elders find a lot of new friends who have the same interest through theinternet. In other words, learning how to use internet brings them more new friends to share with. On the other hand, if they do not know how to use internet, they would not have partners to talk. Thus, it is vital for older people to learn how to use technology. Secondly, older focus on money so learning how to take of self helps older people save money. For instance, older people have some health problems in general and it is money-consuming for them to go to hospitals every time. To be more accurate, going to see doctors requires a lot of money. Moreover, they can learn some practical healthy knowledges in community school to deal with minor body problems, thus reducing the chance to spend money on medical care. As a result, learning healthy knowledges helps older save money. Last but not least, older people care about their families therefore studying helps them being closer to their families. In short, because the world is changing so fast, it is hard for older people to communicate with other family members. That is to say, they can learn how to use technology such as computer or smart phones to talk to theirgrandchildren via studying. Accordingly, studying makes families more closer. In conclusion, becasue older people take emphasis on accompany, money, and their families, I strongly agree that older people ought tolearn new things as it is for young people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
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older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should study or
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learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things as it is for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Others,
however
, do not support this view. Based on my personal life experiences, I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need companions to talk to and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
mycountries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elders find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends who have the same interest through
Possible spelling mistake found.
theinternet
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet brings them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends to share with. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if they do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet, they would not have partners to talk.
Thus
, it is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
how to take of self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems
in general
and it is money-consuming for them to go to hospitals every time. To be more accurate, going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
doctors requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
in community school to deal with minor body problems,
thus
reducing the chance to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on medical care.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
save money.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
therefore
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them
The verb 'families' is used with an infinitive: "to be" or "be".
being
closer to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In short,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the world is changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
That is
to say, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology such as computer or smart phones to talk to
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirgrandchildren
via studying.
Accordingly
, studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
.
In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
becasue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take emphasis on accompany,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought
Possible spelling mistake found.
tolearn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things as it is for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay is it important for older people to learn new things just like young people do

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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