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Spending time on shopping is a better option for a leisure activity. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Spending time on shopping is a better option for a leisure activity. What extent MBXN6
Nowadays, it is undeniable that shopping is becoming a huge trend among public as a leisure activity, whereas this figure has been augmented tremendously since the advancement in technology. I partly agree with this statement, and I will write my views below. To begin with, I believe that there is one main factor, which stimulates that many people tend to spend their time on shopping through online or offline. One of the main reasons why this is occurring dramatically owing to advertisements. In other words, when we usually see any adverts about luxury items from the internet or magazines, we may like to buy them. As a result, it influences positively to us, as well as we would be decided and purchased products. For example, a study carried out and showed that unless the sales of Flipkart have been increased drastically for the last decade, it has been advertising significantly their items via televisions internet and newspapers. On the other hand, I consider that there is the main prominent reasons why spending time on outdoor games is far more beneficial for us. In addition, a number of experts think that while a significant number of people are regularly contributing their time on shopping and their interests, they should not give their time on playing physical activities. Therefore, it might be impacted negatively on their health, and they may be suffered from obesity. For instance, research conducted recently and stated that the overweight rate has been inclined remarkably among society due to the fact that they do not spend their time for sports games. In conclusion, I feel that the popularity ratio for shopping is rising considerably in the world owing to advertisements through TV and the internet, although I opine that we must play outdoor activities on our leisure time.
Nowadays, it is undeniable that
shopping
is becoming a huge trend among public as a leisure activity, whereas this figure has
been augmented
tremendously
since the advancement in technology. I partly
agree
with this statement, and I will write my views below.

To
begin
with, I believe that there is one main factor, which stimulates that
many
people
tend to spend their
time
on
shopping
through online or offline. One of the main reasons why this is occurring
dramatically
owing to advertisements.
In other words
, when we
usually
see
any adverts about luxury items from the internet or magazines, we may like to
buy
them.
As a result
, it influences
positively
to us,
as well
as we would
be decided
and
purchased
products.
For example
, a study carried out and
showed
that unless the sales of Flipkart have
been increased
drastically
for the last decade, it has been advertising
significantly
their items via televisions internet and newspapers.

On the other hand
, I consider that there is the main prominent reasons why spending
time
on outdoor games is far more beneficial for us.
In addition
, a number of experts
think
that while a significant number of
people
are
regularly
contributing their
time
on
shopping
and their interests, they should not give their
time
on playing physical activities.
Therefore
, it might
be impacted
negatively
on their health, and they may
be suffered
from obesity.
For instance
, research conducted recently and stated that the overweight rate has
been inclined
remarkably
among society due to the fact that they do not spend their
time
for sports games.
In conclusion
, I feel that the popularity ratio for
shopping
is rising
considerably
in the world owing to advertisements through TV and the internet, although I opine that we
must
play outdoor activities on our leisure
time
.
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IELTS essay Spending time on shopping is a better option for a leisure activity. What extent

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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