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Soome parents and teachers think it's good to control children's behavior. Other think that children should live free life. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Soome parents and teachers think it's good to control children's behavior. Other think that children should live free life. 6xVDW
When the topic of freedom of children's behavior is discussed there are split opinions regarding it. Several guardians and tutors reckon that it is better to head children's etiquette while other group of thinkers support that children should live with freedom of behavior. However, both has its own pros and cons. Therefore, before commenting on my opinion both the view would be discussed in the ensuring paragraphs. Examining the former view, the primary argument the supporters would like to put forward is keeping the family values maintained and continuing to the next generation. By this i mean that when the family's private as well as social behaviors are taught to the children they grow up with good manners. In addition, they also believe that when tutors and parents control children behavior, they become dependent on guardians for every little things and even for small decisions. Apart from that the higher interference of adults into children's behavior makes yhem irksome and exasperated by their parents and mentors. On the contrary, the proponents of latter view claim that freedom of behavior of children is an appropriate way to deal with this situation. This means that when children are provided with particularl behavioral independence they mostly grow up as bad mannerd and blunt. Furthermore, they also become more carefree about restrictions and do what they want which paves a way to the bad decisions of their life. Along with this as they are not bound with mentors they lose family values and make their future perilous. In the absence of adults control over one's behavior the person's life gets more and more formidable. To conclude, the benefits of guardians control on behavior of children surpasses the negative effects of freedom on children's behavior. Therefore in my opinion children should mandatorily kept under control of certain behavior by parents and tutors in order to rise a gentleman or gentle lady while those given freedom of behavior eventually forgets family values and becomes blunt person.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
is discussed
there
are split
opinions regarding it. Several guardians and tutors reckon that it is better to head
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
etiquette while other group of thinkers support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
However
, both has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commenting on my opinion both the view would
be discussed
in the ensuring paragraphs.

Examining the former view, the primary argument the supporters would like to put forward is keeping the family values maintained and continuing to the
next
generation. By this
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
mean that when the family's private
as well
as social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
are taught
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they grow up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners.
In addition
, they
also
believe that when tutors and parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, they become dependent on guardians for every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things and even for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
decisions. Apart from that the higher interference of adults into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Possible spelling mistake found.
yhem
irksome and exasperated by their parents and mentors.

On the contrary
, the proponents of latter view claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is an appropriate way to deal with this situation. This means that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are provided
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
particularl
behavioral independence they
mostly
grow up as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake found.
mannerd
and blunt.
Furthermore
, they
also
become more carefree about restrictions and do what they want which paves a way to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
decisions of their life. Along with this as they are not bound with mentors they lose family values and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their future perilous. In the absence of adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
over one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
the person's life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more and more formidable.

To conclude
, the benefits of guardians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
surpasses the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
mandatorily
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "keep"
kept
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
by parents and tutors in order to rise a gentleman or gentle lady while those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
eventually
forgets family values and becomes blunt person.
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IELTS essay Soome parents and teachers think it's good to control children's behavior. Other think that children should live free life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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