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Sone peopel think that the government should provide assistqncw to all kinds of artists howwver other people think that it is a qastw of money.Fiscuss both viwws qnd give your opinion?

Sone peopel think that the government should provide assistqncw to all kinds of artists howwver other people think that it is a qastw of money. Fiscuss both viwws qnd give your opinion? xglJN
It is well said by minority of individuals that it is a moral duty of authority to offer financial support to entire kinds of artists either they are musicians, poet or painters, whilst other their counterparts argue that it is totally a wastage of money so, instead of this, it should do more focus on other fields. Explicated below are my perspective view points for both notions and the basis of my belief. On the one hand, there are multifarious reasons behind this assertion that why some humanbeings are not in the favor of monetary assistance for talented onus and one of the most predominant is, due to the light of giving financial contribution in heath care and educatory systems. In other words, it is undeniable that in various parts of the whole planet higher authority invets more money on artists. As a result, owing to the light of this fact significantly a troublesome menace linked with the lack of authority financial support is witnessed by numerous fields likewise; medical or educational. So, this evidence proves that due to that fact, moratality and illiteracy rate begins to increase which would bring non-beneficial outcomes for the economy of nation. On the other hand, although in number fields investment of money is essential as art area, however financial assiatance is also must for artists due to tremendous causes, To elaborate it, if law maker will give financial aid to talented group of masses as a consequence, it would motivate to them a lot. For example from 'India'singers go to overseas for attending many more programmes so, in that situation when regulatory of different nations offer them money contribution. Consequently, it becomes a source of earning bresd and butter for their whole family and also due to that cause, it makes their self enthusiastic for pursuing their career in this field. In conclusion, even though it is crucial to support other fields by providing them money help but accirding to my eyesight, to motivate the artists it is also significant to give them financial aid because if, it would not be offered to them. As a consequence, their talent will prove completely non-profitable for them. So, higher authority should give assistance to all artists without doing any discrimination.
It is well said by minority of individuals that it is a moral duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support to entire kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
either they are musicians, poet or painters, whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
their counterparts argue that it is
totally
a wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
instead
of this, it should do more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. Explicated below are my perspective view points for both notions and the basis of my belief.

On the one hand, there are multifarious reasons behind this assertion that why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
humanbeings
are not in the favor of monetary assistance for talented onus and one of the most predominant is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the light of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
contribution in heath care and
Possible spelling mistake found.
educatory
systems. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is undeniable that in various parts of the whole planet higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
Possible spelling mistake found.
invets
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
As a result
, owing to the light of this fact
significantly
a troublesome menace linked with the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support
is witnessed
by numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
likewise
; medical or educational.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this evidence proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to that fact,
Possible spelling mistake found.
moratality
and illiteracy rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to increase which would bring non-beneficial outcomes for the economy of nation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although in number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
investment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential as art area,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
Possible spelling mistake found.
assiatance
is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to tremendous causes, To elaborate it, if law maker will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid to talented group of masses as a consequence, it would motivate to them a lot.
For example
from 'India'singers
There isn't usually a preposition before "overseas". Did you mean "go overseas"?
go to overseas
for attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in that situation when regulatory of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations offer them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
contribution.
Consequently
, it becomes a source of earning
Possible spelling mistake found.
bresd
and butter for their whole family and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to that cause, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their self enthusiastic for pursuing their career in this field.

In conclusion
,
even though
it is crucial to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
by providing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
accirding
to my eyesight, to motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
it is
also
significant to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if, it would not
be offered
to them. As a consequence, their talent will prove completely non-profitable for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
should give assistance to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
without doing any discrimination.
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IELTS essay Sone peopel think that the government should provide assistqncw to all kinds of artists howwver other people think that it is a qastw of money. Fiscuss both viwws qnd give your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Sone peopel think that the government should provide assistqncw to all kinds of artists howwver other people think that it is a qastw of money.Fiscuss both viwws qnd give your opinion?