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Sometimes we may hear that music is an exciting item, which can merge the people, whose cultures and ages are different from each other.

Sometimes we may hear that music is an exciting item, which can merge the people, whose cultures and ages are different from each other. mx28
Sometimes we may hear that music is an exciting item, which can merge the people, whose cultures and ages are different from each other. Overall, I do not quite agree with this idea that there are enough aspects to gather various individuals apart from music. On the one hand, some people hold the belief that music is useful to be calm and have fun with somebody when they are disappointed. While listening and dancing, human beings may spread their concerns, in addition, they will have chance of acquainting different ones and traditions. It does not matter whether the people who meet because of music are alike or not each other. However, all of these causes cannot make everyone together forever. On the other hand, as we know, ceremonies, such as weddings, birthdays, national and multinational holidays can accumulate individuals together more than music. First of all, these celebrations last much longer and collect incredibly a number of humans. For example, if music rings a little time, it will be difficult that we might face few ones. However, take wedding parties, there will be opportunity of being in touch others and also we could not have difficulty in contacting with them anew. To sum up, it is much easier for most to gather different people than music and I prefer taking part in like these ceremonies to music.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we may hear that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an exciting item, which can merge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whose cultures and ages are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Overall
, I do not quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
aspects to gather various individuals apart from music.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is useful to be calm and have fun with somebody when they
are disappointed
. While listening and dancing, human beings may spread their concerns,
in addition
, they will have chance of acquainting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ones and traditions. It does not matter whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are alike or not each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
However
, all of these causes cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone together forever.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, as we know, ceremonies, such as weddings, birthdays, national and multinational holidays can accumulate individuals together more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, these celebrations last much longer and collect
incredibly
a number of humans.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rings a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time, it will be difficult that we might face few ones.
However
, take wedding parties, there will be opportunity of being in touch others and
also
we could not have difficulty in contacting with them anew.

To sum up, it is much easier for most to gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and I prefer taking part in like these ceremonies to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.

IELTS essay Sometimes we may hear that music is an exciting item, which can merge the people, whose cultures and ages are different from each other.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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