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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. mx2N
There is no doubt that these days children spend their most of time playing computer games. The question is, is the outdoor activities better than computer games? In this essay I am going to discuss my view and drow my conclusion. In terms of positive side, children will learn more of playing outside. The main reason given support this claim is the social life skills that will be learned during plaing in the park. To illustrate, when a little boy or girl going to park every day they will make a relationship with others which will prevent him from sycholgical issues. In addition, outdoor activities will help child to move their body and improve their muscles, which will decrease overwigh issues of happening. However, is better of the kids to be more familiar with computer games specially these days due to fact of their generation is born in the digital years. In other hand, it is a fact that a kid who spend hours in playing video games he is smarter that who is not. This is because, these games gives him the apportionate to learn more and to visualize every thing in their minds. Which will help thim to ccreate patent in the field they like it. In couclusion, although parents are thinking the computing games are harmful for their child, and is better for them to play outside instant of sitting and playing video game. Computing helping them to learn and improve their way of things. Therefore, I believe that playing video games and doing outdoor activities both are essential for kids.
There is no doubt that these days children spend their
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The question is, is the outdoor activities better than computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
? In this essay I am going to discuss my view and
Possible spelling mistake found.
drow
my conclusion.

In terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, children will learn more of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
support this claim is the social life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will
be learned
during
Possible spelling mistake found.
plaing
in the park. To illustrate, when a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
boy or girl going to park every day they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a relationship with others which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
him from
Possible spelling mistake found.
sycholgical
issues.
In addition
, outdoor activities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their body and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their muscles, which will decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
overwigh
issues of happening.

However
, is better of the kids to be more familiar with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
specially
these days due to fact of their generation
is born
in the digital years. In other hand, it is a fact that a kid who spend hours in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
he is smarter that who is not. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
gives him the
Possible spelling mistake found.
apportionate
to learn more and to visualize every thing in their minds.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
thim
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
ccreate
patent in the field they like it.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
couclusion
, although parents are thinking the computing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are harmful for their child, and is better for them to play outside instant of sitting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video game. Computing helping them to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their way of things.
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and doing outdoor activities both are essential for kids.

IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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