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Some young individuals prefer to stay with their family for a long period of time and others prefer to separate from their family as fast as they can

Some young individuals prefer to stay with their family for a long period of time and others prefer to separate from their family as fast as they can RVW5p
Families are the most important factor in our society and everyone wishes to have a family. Some young individuals prefer to stay with their family for a long period of time and others prefer to separate from their family as fast as they can. Personally, I choose to stay with my family as long as I could. To begin with, every young adult one day will be responsible for his own family and can not no longer depend on his parents. In some cases, young adults may leave their home country and can not see their parents again. Drawing from my experience, I have been married a few years ago and now l can not see my parents cause I left my home country. I tried to stay with my parent to get their love and care, However, I have to marry and make my family and be responsible. After marriage, I really discovered how was staying with my parents is comfortable and give me a lot of safety. Consequently, I love to be connected with my parent to get what I need from love and care also I know life will be difficult without them. Secondly, staying with your parent is very valuable as they give you the support which can not be given by anyone. Your parent always supports your decisions and encourage you. Also, they will take care of you good if you are sick or give you money to start a project you want. All of this wonderful help from your parents will make you want to stay with them and not to live alone. My own experience is a compelling illustration of that, when I was in university, I went to camping for one week. While doing one of the camping activities, I made a bad accident. Thus, I needed to go to the hospital and I stayed there for a month. While I was alone in the hospital, I missed my parents and I knew how they are important to me. In light of my reason, I believe it is better for young individuals to spend more time with their parents before being separated. To sum up, I suggest that young adults should stay with their parents as much as they could. Since they will be responsible from their parents and these give them more time to be comfortable before building their family. Not only that but also, If they are alone, they will not receive the care they need as if with their parents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in our society and everyone wishes to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for a long period of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
prefer to separate from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as they can.
Personally
, I choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as long as I could.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult one day will be responsible for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and can
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not no
longer depend on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home country and can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
again. Drawing from my experience, I have
been married
a few years ago and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
l can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Did you mean "because I"?
cause I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
my home country. I tried to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
,
However
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
marry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and be responsible. After marriage, I
really
discovered how was staying with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is comfortable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
safety.
Consequently
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
be connected
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what I need from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
also
I know life will be difficult without them.

Secondly
, staying with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
you the support which can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by anyone. Your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
always supports your decisions and encourage you.
Also
, they will take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if you are sick or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
you money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a project you want. All of this wonderful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with them and not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling illustration of that, when I was in university, I went to camping for one week. While doing one of the camping activities, I made a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
accident.
Thus
, I needed to go to the hospital and I stayed there for a month. While I was alone in the hospital, I missed my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and I knew how they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to me. In light of my reason, I believe it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals to spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being separated
.

To sum up, I suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as much as they could. Since they will be responsible from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them more time to be comfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
building their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, If they are alone, they will not receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
they need as if with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.

IELTS essay Some young individuals prefer to stay with their family for a long period of time and others prefer to separate from their family as fast as they can

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
421 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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