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Some young children spend much time in playing sports. What are the positive and negative aspects of this practice? Support your view.

Some young children spend much time in playing sports. What are the positive and negative aspects of this practice? Support your view. pJRO0
Nowadays sport become an essential part of our life. Everyone have to play game in their free time to stay healthy and active. Some children spend great amount of time in practicing sports. On the other hand some children are focusing too much on their studies. However I think this problem has two sides in positive and negative aspects. Spending much time on playing sports is extremely beneficial, because it make fit and active the minds of children. In the current scenario children are spending their time playing games on mobiles, instead of that it is better to play outdoor games. Let’s take an example of one of the famous cricket star Sachin Tendulkar, he was not good in his studies also he is not even college graduate but he is has a talent of cricket and he work hard to achieve his goal. And this only happened because he concentrates on his game only. On the other hand, some children might neglect their study in school and attain too much time in sport. It cannot be denied that playing several sports is totally good, on the contrary if children play it too much, it can be the children’s top target. So that, kids do not want to put their most attention in their study. For instance, one of my senior who is a high quality basketball, but because of his bad luck he even not selected in state team. And his performance in studies is average. Thus, the juvenile should not play it too much. In conclusion, I believe that young kids should play sport regular but not too much. So they can also pay attention on their study.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
become an essential part of our life. Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to stay healthy and active.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
On the other hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are focusing too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this problem has two sides in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.

Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
extremely
beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
fit and active the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on mobiles,
instead
of that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s take an example of one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricket star
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, he was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
also
he is not even college graduate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is has a talent of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cricket and
he work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve his goal. And this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he concentrates on his game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in school and attain too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. It cannot
be denied
that playing several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
on the contrary
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
it too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
, it can be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
top target.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, kids do not want to put their most attention in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
For instance
, one of my senior who is a high quality basketball,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck he even not selected in state team. And his performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
is average.
Thus
, the juvenile should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
it too much.

In conclusion
, I believe that young kids should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
regular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can
also
pay attention on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
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IELTS essay Some young children spend much time in playing sports. What are the positive and negative aspects of this practice? Support your view.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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