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Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports discuss the advantage and disadvantage of this

Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports discuss the advantage and disadvantage of this 1n89W
Nowadays more and more children start to play games, such as football badminton and volleyball. besides that some even spend a great time on practicing sports. Sport are the best way for good health. moreover teenagers pass too much time on game. due to this the enormous changes on their life. First of all children spend their time on sports game. which is a good thing for them in other words there are many more game which are play to children. And which is provide to them good health. while whose children spend their more time only on sports play game. consequence they can make their future in sports. hence they can't focus on their study, therefore a crucial influence on their study probably their future can be spoil. Secondly child who interest only in study, for example they can get a good marks in education, but their body don't allow to them for doing outdoor activities. and Other Side a big effect on their family bonding, such as children give a much more time tm to sports game, they don't expend their time with their family. in conclusion children should be play a game as well as they should study also moreover teenagers a pass their time with their family!
Nowadays more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, such as football badminton and volleyball.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
besides
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even spend a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the best way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
moreover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
pass too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on game.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to this the enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
on their life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing for them
in other words
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more game which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. And which is
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
to them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequence
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their future in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
hence
they can't focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
therefore
a crucial influence on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
probably
their future can be spoil.
Secondly
child who interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
for example
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
marks in education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their body don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to them for doing outdoor activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
Other Side a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
effect on their family bonding, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
give a much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake found.
tm
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game, they don't expend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Did you mean "played"?
play
a game
as well
as they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
also
moreover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
a pass their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family!
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IELTS essay Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports discuss the advantage and disadvantage of this

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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