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The use of mobile phone has increase rapidly in 21 st century though, It's has many benefits but it’s has some serious drawback. Give your opinion

The use of mobile phone has increase rapidly in 21 st century though, It's has many benefits but it’s has some serious drawback. Give your opinion GlRKe
With the development in modern science and Technology Mobile phones use are increased rapidly in 21 st century. Although, it has number of advantages, while I believe It's negative influence are more dangerous. A variety of benefits are associated with idea of using mobile phones one of benefits is that it helps to communicate easily. It was once, communicate with other people in long distance was more difficult. People often use pigeon and letter, but need more time and long time wait for reply. Due invention of Mobile phones, communication is now more easy even possible with in a second. As a result, the earth now like a global village. Helping in emergency situation is another benefit of mobile phones. There are some event when people need help, but no one there. With the help of mobile now it is easy to overcome this situation to call emergency contact. For this people quickly reach the place and help. The use of mobile phone carries quite a few drawbacks. First of all, it is waste of time for people who use it whiteout reason and long time, At a time, they are being addicted by mobile phones, consequently lost attention to study and work. Bad health effect on health is one of the major threats of mobile phones. For instance, Children are playing game on mobile phone long time and stay one place. Because of that, Children are not being involved physical exercise and it help to Obesity. Which harmful for health. not only increase health but also it affect on serious problem like, abortion, skin cancer eye problem etc. It’s result people lead unhealthy life style. In conclusion, though mobile phone come up to with several usefulness. From my point of view, It's negative Impact is really serious.
With the development in modern science and Technology Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
are increased
rapidly
in
Did you mean "21st"?
21 st
century. Although, it has number of advantages, while I believe It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

A variety of benefits
are associated
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
one of benefits is that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to communicate
easily
. It was once, communicate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
distance was more difficult.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pigeon and letter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wait for reply.
Did you mean to use the verb "do"?
Due
invention of Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, communication is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more easy even possible with in a second.
As a result
, the earth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
like a global village. Helping in emergency situation is another benefit of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "events"?
event
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no one there. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is easy to overcome this situation to call emergency contact. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
quickly
reach the place and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
carries quite a few drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it whiteout reason and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, At a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they are
being addicted
by mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
consequently
lost attention to study and work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of the major threats of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
For instance
, Children are playing game on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and stay one place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, Children are not
being involved
physical exercise and it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to Obesity. Which harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on serious problem like, abortion, skin cancer eye problem etc. It’s result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead unhealthy life style.

In conclusion
, though mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up to with
Possible agreement error. The noun usefulness seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some usefulness".
several usefulness
. From my point of view, It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Impact is
really
serious.
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IELTS essay The use of mobile phone has increase rapidly in 21 st century though, It's has many benefits but it’s has some serious drawback. Give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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