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Some people believe that children should do sports so that they will grow up as healthy adults, but others feel sports are just about enjoying yourself. Discuss these both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children should do sports so that they will grow up as healthy adults, but others feel sports are just about enjoying yourself. Discuss these both views and give your own opinion. yRKp3
In today's competitive era, there has been an upsurge in the number of students participating in every realm of extra-curriculum activities. Some argue that children's must take part in sports to establish their physical and mental growth while others are of the opinion this activity is only for their amusement. Playing games is extremely beneficial for the youth and for enjoyment purpose. Therefore, i will discuss both the views and provide substantial justifications in the forthcoming article. To initiate on, there are multifarious positives of the regard kids playing multiple sports while ensuring health benefits. Sports are therefore no different from normal subjects such as the sciences and humanities in that they offer potential future benefit. While athletics are unlikely to become a career, they can at least form the basis of a lasting passion for and understanding of physical fitness. Such fitness not only guarantees higher quality of life but will also likely have a concomitant effect on healthcare, allowing governments to redeploy finite resources into other vital sectors. Those who claim sports are simply for enjoyment argue that future aims should not be subordinate to the present moment. The entire purpose of education is to guarantee a higher standard of living and thus happiness. For most, playing sports achieves that goal on its own. Children enjoy playing a sport far more than most adults will savor any aspect of a comfortable life later on. If a school must choose between offering fun sports during P. E. lessons and educating children about physical fitness, it is counter-productive to choose the less enjoyable latter option. This desire to sacrifice current happiness for an often elusive future goal betrays an inflexible valuation of social stability above the desires of the individual. In conclusion, despite the long-term advantages of sports, their inclusion in the curriculum can be justified purely for the enjoyment they engender. It is unnecessary for every single subject to have a clear future goal.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's competitive era, there has been an upsurge in the number of students participating in every realm of extra-curriculum activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to establish their physical and mental growth while others are of the opinion this activity is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their amusement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
games is
extremely
beneficial for the youth and for enjoyment purpose.
Therefore
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss both the views and provide substantial justifications in the forthcoming article. To initiate on, there are multifarious positives of the regard kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
while ensuring health benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are
therefore
no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from normal subjects such as the sciences and humanities in that they offer potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
benefit. While athletics are unlikely to become a career, they can at least form the basis of a lasting passion for and understanding of physical fitness. Such fitness not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
guarantees higher quality of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
likely have a concomitant effect on healthcare, allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to redeploy finite resources into other vital sectors. Those who claim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
simply
for enjoyment argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
aims should not be subordinate to the present moment. The entire purpose of education is to guarantee a higher standard of living and
thus
happiness. For most,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
achieves that goal on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Children enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
far more than most adults will savor any aspect of a comfortable life later on. If a school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose between offering fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
during P. E. lessons and educating children about physical fitness, it is counter-productive to choose the less enjoyable latter option. This desire to sacrifice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
happiness for an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
elusive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
goal betrays an inflexible valuation of social stability above the desires of the individual.

In conclusion
, despite the long-term advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, their inclusion in the curriculum can
be justified
purely
for the enjoyment they engender. It is unnecessary for every single subject to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
goal.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should do sports so that they will grow up as healthy adults, but others feel sports are just about enjoying yourself. Discuss these both views and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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