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Some universities now offer their courses on the internet so that people can study online. Is it a positive or negative development?

Some universities now offer their courses on the internet so that people can study online. Is it a positive or negative development? oMYK
It is true that online courses are becoming a common feature of university education. Although there are some drawbacks of internet-based learning, still I believe that this is a positive development due to flexible timing and saving money. To commence with a view that through online study, learners can study in a flexible way. To elaborate, students can preserve their quality time by studying online courses. Due to this, they can do their part-time jobs as well as become capable enough to afford their course fee because online courses are cheaper than regular ones. For example, a survey was conducted by the Department of Education in USA revealed that 25, 000 housewives successfully completed their preferred online courses and diplomas along with their part-time jobs. Thus, by getting online courses, individuals can complete their studies in a more convenient way. Further strengthening the views, by the online courses money can be saved by the students. To explicate it, learners from any category, either middle or rich, can afford charges for online study because the cost of online courses is lesser than when compared to regular conventional classes. Moreover, they do not have to spend money on the daily commute. To exemplify, the headlines of The Tribune newspaper showed the students who studied via online mode in Vietnam saved their 20% money in 2014. As a result, with the help of saved money, people can utilize these savings for other emergency situations. To conclude, through online studies, people not only get comfortable timing for learning but also get to save their hard-earned money.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are becoming a common feature of university education. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of internet-based learning,
still
I believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development due to flexible timing and saving money.

To commence with a view that through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, learners can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Consider replacing "in a flexible way" with the adverb for "flexible"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a flexible way
. To elaborate, students can preserve their quality time by studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Due to this, they can do their part-time jobs
as well
as become capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to afford their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are cheaper than regular ones.
For example
, a survey
was conducted
by the Department of Education
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
revealed that 25, 000 housewives
successfully
completed their preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and diplomas along with their part-time jobs.
Thus
, by getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, individuals can complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in a more convenient way.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
strengthening the views, by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be saved
by the students. To explicate it, learners from any category, either middle or rich, can afford charges for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is lesser than when compared to regular conventional classes.
Moreover
, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the daily commute. To exemplify, the headlines of The Tribune newspaper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the students who studied via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
mode in Vietnam saved their 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in 2014.
As a result
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can utilize these savings for other emergency situations.

To conclude
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
comfortable timing for learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Some universities now offer their courses on the internet so that people can study online. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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