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Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. xXEN
It is more vital that teenagers should take part in outdoor sporting events rather than spending time on gaming consoles. This essay agrees with this statement because this trend will help children to have a fit body and playing sports will make them a better human being. Firstly, outdoor activities are physically demanding and when teenagers engage themselves in these events, this will make them physically healthy. This is because taking part in outdoor events strengthen their bones and muscles. Therefore, it leads to children having a life free from diseases, such as for overweight. T illustroate, a recent study by Cambridge University found that children who take part in sporting events are more likely to live a healthy life than who do not. Secondly, playing outdoor games will make children a better overall person when they become adults. This is because while playing in group games teenagers learn different traits like leadership, coordination and cooperation. These skills will help them in the later stages of life when they will be required to work in as a team at the workplace. These skills cannot be learned by children who play video games only. For example, in the US, it is mandatory for all students to take part in outdoor games because authorities believe that teenagers become better citizens on playing outdoor games like football, baseball. In conclusion, it is very important that children must take part in outdoor games because this will make them physically strong and children are more likely to become good persons.
It is more vital that
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teenagers
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
rather
than spending time on gaming consoles. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this trend will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a fit body and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them a better human being.

Firstly
,
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outdoor
activities are
physically
demanding and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
engage themselves in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
physically
healthy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
strengthen their bones and muscles.
Therefore
, it leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having a life free from diseases, such as for overweight. T
Possible spelling mistake found.
illustroate
, a recent study by Cambridge University found that
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children
who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in sporting
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events
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
do not.

Secondly
,
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a better
overall
person when they become adults. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
traits like leadership, coordination and cooperation. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the later stages of life when they will
be required
to work in as a team at the workplace. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
cannot
be learned
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
For example
, in the US, it is mandatory for all students to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
authorities believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
become better citizens on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like football, baseball.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
physically
strong and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
persons.

IELTS essay Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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