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buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience Ojd7
In the old time, people even could not think of buying things online, however today it’s no longer a dream. Today, online shopping is becoming more and more popular. It has some disadvantages, for example, less walking, less communication and e. c. t. , but I strongly believe, that its benefits exceed disadvantages. On the one hand, shopping is just a few finger taps away and people do not need leave their comfort zone and they can do shopping from home. In my opinion, online shopping is fruitful for several reasons: it saves time, energy and transportation, . Researches held in Britain shows, that from 2019 to 2020 online shopping has increased by 18% and it points, that people prefer online shopping and use their resources and time reasonably. Secondly, when we economize energy, we itself care of our environment. In quarantine, traffics decreased by 71% and it automatically reflected on climate, it became more natural, as it must be. Some people still say, that it is not good for health, but I believe, we can easily follow the healthy life rules and stay indoor too.
In the
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old
time,
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people
even could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of buying things
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online
,
however
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today
it’s no longer a dream.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is becoming more and more popular. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
for example
, less walking, less communication and e. c. t.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
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but
I
strongly
believe, that its benefits exceed disadvantages.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few finger taps away and
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people
do not need
Did you mean "to leave"?
leave
their comfort
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
zone and
they can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from home. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is fruitful for several reasons: it saves time, energy and transportation
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Researches held in Britain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, that from 2019 to 2020
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has increased by 18% and it points, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their resources and time
reasonably
.

Secondly
, when we economize energy, we itself care of our environment. In quarantine, traffics decreased by 71% and it
automatically
reflected on climate, it became more natural, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
say, that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe, we can
easily
follow the healthy life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and stay indoor too.

IELTS essay buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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