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Some think that is more significant for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games

Some think that is more significant for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games m52wd
Most of them in particular adore playing video games in place of doing open-air activities. Nevertheless it is more amusing games than staying at home. This essay agrees that children should grab outside games in addition, they are obligated to learn team sports. Firstly this essay will discuss the fact that online games are in up-to-date, secondly doing some outdoor sports activities can help to enhance team work on children. On the other hand, playing computer games are addictive and cause children to neglect their homework. For instance, children may in advertently reveal personal data which could result in identity theft. To deal with this issue parents need to talk openly to their children about how to stay safe online. Futhermore, children need to be taught how to recognize and report inappropriate online behavior. In other words, open-air activities notably team sports foster a sense of belonging and a sense of respect for both team mates and opponents. Moreover, playing in a team gives children the chance to interact with others and to get over their shyness. To conclude, in spite of being too easy to access inappropriate videos games and explicit images and videos that parents and children need to spend more time engaging in spare activities together. So it is a great way for both physical and mental health. In my view, playing video games should be curbed with limitation.
Most of them
in particular
adore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in place of doing open-air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
it is more amusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than staying at home. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should grab outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in addition
, they
are obligated
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
sports.
Firstly
this essay will discuss the fact that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are in up-to-date,
secondly
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are addictive and cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to neglect their homework.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may in
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertently
reveal personal data which could result in identity theft. To deal with this issue parents need to talk
openly
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about how to stay safe online.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be taught
how to recognize and report inappropriate online behavior.
In other words
, open-air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
notably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
sports foster a sense of belonging and a sense of respect for both
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
team mates
and opponents.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the chance to interact with others and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over their shyness.
To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
being too easy to access inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and explicit images and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
that parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to spend more time engaging in spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is a great way for both physical and mental health. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be curbed
with limitation.
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IELTS essay Some think that is more significant for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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