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Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

It is argued that specialized subjects are taught in some school systems after fifteen years while others believe children should learn variety of subjects before they left school. I think both education systems have its own advantages. However, I believe specialized subjects school system is better than the other one because it will gain deep knowledge in a particular subject. To begin with, the specialized subjects school system provides lots of gains to the children. Firstly, the specialized subjects will help children to be an expert in that subject and they will get more time for their extracurricular activities which will help the children to avoid stress levels. Secondly, children will choose their specialization based on their interest only, that will help them to be more attentive in the classes and help them to score good score as well. At the same time, the variety of subjects will give a basic knowledge in all the field which will help them to do work under various categorized jobs. For example, if a child studied different subjects in the school after 15 years then in the future, he could opt a job based on the demand of job market. However, the school system where they provide different subjects to study for children has some drawbacks. In this system gives only a general awareness about the subjects not the in-depth knowledge, that will negatively affect children’s future while they work in a particular field. Moreover, in this system never gives a choice to the children to take subjects according to their preference. That means, whether it is interested or not they should learn that subject to pass the exam. For example, Mathematics is very tough for some children, but children should learn this subject in a variety subjects school system and ultimately some of them fall into exam fear and anxiety. So, I believe specialized subject school system is better than this system where children will get freedom to choose their favorite subject. In conclusion, both systems have lots of pros even though, in my opinion the specialized school system’s advantages are weigh from the other school system, because this system will generate subject specialists and provide opportunity to select subjects based on children’s interest.
It
is argued
that specialized
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subjects
are taught
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
after fifteen years while others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
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school
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both education
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systems
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages.
However
, I believe specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is better than the other one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will gain deep knowledge in a particular subject.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
provides lots of gains to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, the specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be an expert in that
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subject and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time for their extracurricular activities which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels.
Secondly
,
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children
will choose their specialization based on their interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to be more attentive in the classes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to score
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score
as well
. At the same time, the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will give
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply “basic knowledge”.
a basic knowledge
in all the field which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to do work under various categorized jobs.
For example
, if a child studied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
after 15 years then in the future, he could opt a job based on the demand of job market.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
where they provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to study for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a general awareness about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
not the in-depth knowledge, that will
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future while they work in a particular field.
Moreover
, in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
never gives a choice to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
according to their preference. That means, whether it
is interested
or not they should learn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to pass the exam.
For example
, Mathematics is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in a variety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and
ultimately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them fall into exam fear and anxiety.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe specialized
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subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is better than this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
freedom to choose their favorite subject.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
have lots of pros
even though
, in my opinion the specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system’s
advantages are weigh from the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
will generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
specialists and provide opportunity to select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
interest.
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IELTS essay Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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