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A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?

Initially, being the first resource of income comes from tourism places, leading to many job opportunities. However, this tends to trouble for natural sources in the managing, but those can tackle from the rules of local authorities, teaching the tourists to maintain that sources. For example, in Toba Lake North Sumatra, local authority give regulations for guests to see animals sea, like do not touch and photo with flash those animals, adding knowledge for them to keep animals’ habitat, while many local people can work in there, and they can fulfill their needs. Moreover, if this continuously runs, this may bring that place are more famous. Granted, relying on a lot of places is to be main income, leading to properous citizens. However, managed incorrectly is making natural damage, but people can give many tax due to getting more money from that, so the natural can refurbish. For instance, in the Borobudur Indonesia, local people give 25% from their revenues due to 500 tourists going to there, and those make a higher income around 1 million rupiahs per day to them, while the local people have to maintain the location of Borobudur place. Furthermore, if this constantly happends, those can bring Indonesian people losing from poverty.
Initially
, being the
first
resource of income
comes
from tourism
places
, leading to
many
job opportunities.
However
, this tends to trouble for natural sources in the managing,
but
those can tackle from the
rules
of
local
authorities, teaching the tourists to maintain that sources.
For example
, in
Toba
Lake North Sumatra,
local
authority give regulations for guests to
see
animals sea, like do not touch and photo with flash those animals, adding knowledge for them to
keep
animals’ habitat, while
many
local
people
can work in there, and they can fulfill their needs.
Moreover
, if this
continuously
runs, this may bring that
place
are more
famous
.

Granted, relying on
a lot of
places
is to be main income, leading to
properous
citizens.
However
, managed
incorrectly
is making natural damage,
but
people
can give
many tax
due to getting more money from that,
so
the natural can refurbish.
For instance
, in the Borobudur Indonesia,
local
people
give 25% from their revenues due to 500 tourists
going to there
, and those
make
a higher income around 1 million rupiahs per day to them, while the
local
people
have to
maintain the location of Borobudur
place
.
Furthermore
, if this
constantly
happends
, those can bring Indonesian
people
losing from poverty.
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IELTS essay A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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