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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s modern age, some people are of the opinion that performing physical outdoor games or activities are quite important and beneficial for the physical and mental development of teenagers. I believe that adolescents should be encouraged to participate in sports and various other outside games which involves physical activities. In this essay we will discuss the advantages of playing such outdoor games with respect to the indoor games. Firstly, playing sports help you to stay fit and healthy which are essential aspects of every child across the world. Whatever the sports, teens are playing on a daily basis, they have to perform their task physically which makes them sweat quite often and also help to reduce their body fat which are important for the development of the minors otherwise by playing indoor games they will become couch potato and have obesity problems. For instance, it has been observed that Japan schools have a policy to involve minors to do physical activities and it has benefited the children as they have grown-up to remain fit and active. Thus, children should be motivated to do such physical activities. Furthermore, actively participating in the sports competition benefits teenagers in the development of not only physical but also its mental health and they learn the importance of sports in the society. Many teenagers can build their career in this and can become athletes, and will be able to represent their country in National Olympic games. For example, China encourages their teenagers to participate in such outdoor games at a very early age that’s why they have the highest number of athletes as compared to other countries. That is why taking part in such activities or tasks are best for children. To summarize, children should be provided more exposure to outdoor physical activities in contrast to the indoor games, because it is beneficial for their development and growth.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern age,
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or
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activities
are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. I believe that adolescents should
be encouraged
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and various other outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which involves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In this essay we will discuss the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with respect to the indoor games.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to stay fit and healthy which are essential aspects of every child across the world. Whatever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, teens are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on a daily basis, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform their task
physically
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them sweat quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the minors
otherwise
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they will become couch potato and have obesity problems.
For instance
, it has
been observed
that Japan schools have a policy to involve minors to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
it has benefited the children as they have grown-up to remain fit and active.
Thus
, children should
be motivated
to do such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.

Furthermore
,
actively
participating in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competition benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
its mental
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they learn the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can build their career in this and can become athletes, and will be able to represent their country in National Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, China encourages their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age that’s why they have the highest number of athletes as compared to other countries.
That is
why taking part in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or tasks are best for children.

To summarize
, children should
be provided
more exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in contrast
to the indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is beneficial for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and growth.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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