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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? xBGQ
Study is the most important in life. It is the first step to chasing dreams. Also education tell a lot about persons behavior. Studies can leads to fulfilment of wishes. This essay will elaborate all the causes in upcoming essay. To begin with, studies pays great impact on our life studying with attentiveness is very important because it leads to our future. It is good option to earn money while studying with this student can pay for their fees. Secondly, paying by self is a truly sign of independency. It means how serious is student about their studies. Thirdly, to fill tariff can makes a person master of will. That is a awesome sign of success. Coming to the remaining part, sometimes working more than a specific time could takes a student to stress. It also may cause of lack of time and it also impacts on time management. Working more can causes to low grades in academics which is a very bad sign. To conclude, it must be a proper schedule between studying and working. It is very important and it also impacts on students life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Study
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in life. It is the
first
step to chasing dreams.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
a lot about persons behavior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studies
can leads to
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of wishes. This essay will elaborate all the causes in upcoming essay. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
pays great impact on our life studying with attentiveness is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to our future. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option to earn money while studying with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can pay for their fees.
Secondly
, paying by self is a
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
. It means how serious is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Thirdly
, to fill tariff can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
a person master of will.
That is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
awesome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of success. Coming to the remaining part,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
working more than a specific time could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "take"
takes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It
also
may cause of lack of time and it
also
impacts on time management. Working more can causes
Did you mean "lowing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to low
grades in academics which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
.
To conclude
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a proper schedule between studying and working. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and it
also
impacts on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
life.
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IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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