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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? EXAM
During education, the minority of the students spend their time on other jobs. It leads to depression while concentrating both at a time. This essay will examine the cause and solution to the problem. The two main causes of student work while studying are due to cost of education and living expenses. The fees of institutions and colleges are very expensive for the common people, they are unable to spend money on education. For example, he/she was born in a middle family cannot afford educational fees for their higher education. Because of this, students are not interested to work while studying but to support their families to spend their time on work. Also, nowadays, the living cost of the person increased dramatically. The cost of food, clothes, shelter, and also medical expenses are rapidly increasing. For instance, people with a low salary and health issues cannot afford the cost of living. Thus, the lifestyle changes the cost of living also changed it causes the lack of anxiety and depression to their life. Some possible solutions to this problem are government funds to people who are eligible for full-time education and support from the public sectors. Moreover, people who are fond of studying the government should encourage them. For example, the government should implement a new scheme for the eligible candidates and enthusiastic to learn. This way, students will concentrate more on education rather than working for disinterested work to support their families. To conclude, the government should take initiation towards the student educational scholarship to reduce the depression of the students to concentrate on their education to become better part in society.
During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the minority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend their time on other jobs. It leads to depression while concentrating both at a time. This essay will examine the cause and solution to the problem.

The two main causes of student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying are due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and living expenses. The fees of institutions and colleges are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive for the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they are unable to spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. For example, he/she
was born
in a middle family cannot afford educational fees for their higher education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
 of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not interested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to support their families to spend their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Also
, nowadays, the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of the person increased
dramatically
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of food, clothes, shelter, and
also
medical expenses are
rapidly
increasing.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a low salary and health issues cannot afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of living.
Thus
, the lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of living
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
it causes the lack of anxiety and depression to their life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions to this problem are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are eligible for full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and support from the public sectors.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are fond of studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should encourage them.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should implement a new scheme for the eligible candidates and enthusiastic to learn. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will concentrate more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
than working for disinterested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to support their families.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take initiation towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
educational scholarship to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the depression of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to concentrate on their education to become better part in society.

IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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