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2) There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard every were now a days.

2) There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard every were now a days. 0Pbn
Now a days, we have billion different categories of music in the whole world. There are several reasons, which make music so essential. In my opinion, both traditional and international music have its own significance. To begin with, music makes our mind to be calm and helps to stick with an anti depression life. In todays world all people are very busy and stress with their work schedule, jobs, deadlines and so on. Due to such things they may loss their control over their mind and might become falls to depression. This leads them to be unsuccessful both in personal life and social life. So it is necessary to relax their mind as much as possible. Hence they choose relaxation methods to cool their mind by process like shopping, playing, reading cooking and so on. However from all that music plays an important role in life. It can decrease the tension slowly also it is available at any time. Due to this music can easily reduce the stress and thereby it make life so simpler. I think, both traditional and international music have equal importance in their own way. Traditional music helps to improve the patriotism. Due to traditional things it can preserve the culture of that country. Through traditional music, can be share their culture to their younger ones and to new generations. Accordingly it could be helps them to share their culture and tradition to other nations. International music is also very beneficial. It can spread, unity and peace to the whole world by their music. Which help to incline the harmony between the people due to this we can stop the calamities like war. And this music helps to spread love and peace across the world In conclusion, there are different kinds of music which have so many significance. Since both traditional and international music are important in their way I believe none of them are nor superior or inferior.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
, we have
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories of
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music
in the whole world. There are several reasons, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
essential. In my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
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music
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
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mind
to be calm and
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helps
to stick with an anti depression
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life
. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
with their work schedule, jobs, deadlines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to such things they may
"loss" is a noun. Did you mean the verb "lose" (= 'to lose')?
loss
their control over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and might become falls to depression. This leads them to be unsuccessful both in personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is necessary to relax their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
as much as possible.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they choose relaxation methods to cool their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
by process like shopping, playing, reading cooking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
from all that
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music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
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life
. It can decrease the tension
slowly
also
it is available at any time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and thereby it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
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life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
simpler.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, both
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traditional
and
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international
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music
have equal importance in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
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Traditional
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music
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helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the patriotism.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to
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traditional
things it can preserve the culture of that country. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, can be share their culture to their younger ones and to new generations.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Accordingly
it could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to share their culture and tradition to other nations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial. It can spread, unity and peace to the whole world by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
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help
to incline the harmony between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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due
to this we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the calamities like war. And this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to spread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and peace across the world

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun significance seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much significance", "a good deal of significance".
many significance
. Since both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in their way I believe none of them are nor superior or inferior.
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IELTS essay 2) There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard every were now a days.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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