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some students tend to travel after finishing school and spend time working somewhere instead of goingto the university directly

some students tend to travel after finishing school and spend time working somewhere instead of goingto the university directly NyQVN
It is true that some teenagers hankering after money while they finish their schooling and give preference to do work rather than further study. There are various merits and demerits of this statement. On the one hand, There is a range of reasons that why students do not go to university for higher study directly. Firstly, when it comes to unemployment, they do not seem their a bright future, so they decide to do any business or work at this age. Because in this young age they do more work hard. Secondly, They want to enjoy their life with adventures, luxurious lifestyle and many more. So they need to take a break from student life and enjoy every moment of life with new experiments. Finally, Although some students do not want to make a gap in regular study, according to circumstances they are not ready to in front of problems. For example, Nowadays in eminent or government institutions doing the higher study is an arm and leg and they are not able to pay fee. On the other hand, There are a couple of drawbacks that results can be very crucial for any nation. The prominent reason is that if the teenager did not do study then population of any country remain uneducated and new technologies do not invent that will be effect directly on the economy of any country. Moreover, People not only hankering after money but also make a threat to other public. For example, Students misuse the new technology to earn more money, If they do study then they are aware from rules and regulations and after higher study, they can works in defence forces In conclusion, students prioritise earning more money than further study in teenage can result in a couple of benefits and drawbacks that can occur.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
hankering after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while they finish their schooling and give preference to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. There are various merits and demerits of this statement.

On the one hand, There is a range of reasons that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not go to university for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
directly
.
Firstly
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to unemployment, they do not seem
Did you mean "there"?
their
a bright future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they decide to do any business or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at this age.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
in this young age they do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Secondly
, They want to enjoy their life with adventures, luxurious lifestyle and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they need to take a break from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life and enjoy every moment of life with new experiments.
Finally
, Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a gap in regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, according to circumstances they are not ready to in front of problems.
For example
, Nowadays in eminent or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
institutions doing the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is an arm and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
leg and
they are not able to pay fee.

On the other hand
, There are a couple of drawbacks that results can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for any nation. The prominent reason is that if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
did not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
then population of any country remain uneducated and new technologies do not invent that will be effect
directly
on the economy of any country.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hankering after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a threat to other public.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
misuse the new technology to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, If they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
then they are aware from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations and after higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "work"
works
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
forces


In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
earning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in teenage can result in a couple of benefits and drawbacks that can occur.
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Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay some students tend to travel after finishing school and spend time working somewhere instead of goingto the university directly

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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