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Some states has more population with young people than old ones.

Some states has more population with young people than old ones. WmAWN
It is clear that the some states has more population with young people than older ones. It is more beneficial for the country. I completely agree with this statement. I believe that the population of young adults has more advantages than disadvantage. First of all, The productivity and expeditious work speed. They have the ability to do job more time and provide sufficient outcomes swifter. They are more active and happy. Economy of the country will boost up. Youth are the back bone of the nation. In the case of safety and security state needed more army peoples who are younger adults. The people who can react spontaneously with no time limits. Governments don't want to spend money for youth. They work more and spend more. Younger ones can grasp easily and gradually that may results to initiate more and increase work force. For example china has declared a rule in 2013 that one-child policy. After 7 years they realised that the number if old ones are increasing and young springs rate declining. So they withdrawn that policy for their good future. Lastly, In the case of sports younger people has more significance. They have more activities for the community and initiating a programme and organizing successfully. Time management should also be considered in this context. Old people may tired too earlier than young adults. For example if a company which aiming business with manpower recruiting more old ones has less out come. If most of the ares handling by youth may increase productivity. The advantages if placing more of them will directly influence the profit. They can communicate well to others and peer group of youngsters can do more for the society. To conclude, I strongly believe that in the present scenario the number of young adults will enhance a nations growth.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
Did you mean "same"?
some
states has more population with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. It is more beneficial for the country. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. I believe that the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
has more advantages than disadvantage.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, The productivity and expeditious work speed. They have the ability to do job more time and provide sufficient outcomes swifter. They are more active and happy. Economy of the country will boost up. Youth
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the back bone of the nation. In the case of safety and security state needed more army
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
who are younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can react
spontaneously
with no time limits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
don't want to spend money for youth. They work more and spend more. Younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
can grasp
easily
and
gradually
that may results to initiate more and increase work force.
For example
china has declared a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
in 2013 that one-child policy. After 7 years they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that the number if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are increasing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
springs rate declining.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "withdrew"?
withdrawn
that policy for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future.

Lastly
, In the case of sports younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
more significance. They have more activities for the community and initiating a
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
and organizing
successfully
. Time management should
also
be considered
in this context.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may tired too earlier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
For example
if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which aiming business with manpower recruiting more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
has less out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
most of the ares handling by youth may increase productivity. The advantages if placing more of them will
directly
influence the profit. They can communicate well to others and peer group of youngsters can do more for the society.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that in the present scenario the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will enhance a
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
growth.
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IELTS essay Some states has more population with young people than old ones.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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