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Some school leavers go to travelling or work for a short period of time instead of going direct to University. Do you think it has more advantages for their study.

Some school leavers go to travelling or work for a short period of time instead of going direct to University. Do you think it has more advantages for their study. BMEqj
Experts throughout the developed World have debated on the issue that wheather student should take small gap in education after schooling or not. A minority of student hold the opinion that children should go for traveling ir work for short time after their secondary education. However, i personally believe that student should continue their studies in proper series without any disturbance. I will explicate merits and demerits by using examples. On the one hand, there are alot of advantages which associated with this phenomenon. First and foremost reason is that scholars can save huge amount of money for studies. In other words, nowadays the expenditure of courses are very large and poor person cannot spend more expenses on their children studies. They face number of problems even sometime they do not fulfil their basic requirements. Due to this reason, if children spend time on work for short period of time, they might collect a chunk of money. For instance, last year a study was conducted, it demostrated that there were 50 percent poor children collected a lot of money after schooling then took part in engeeneering related courses. Another point to be considered is that if children go for traveling, they might gain knowledge about different culture, tradition and heritage. On the other hand, eventhough there are plethora of pros, it has some cones also. First point to be considered is that children might reduced interest in their studies. To elaborate it, if learners join to work, they can spoil their whole interest on their academics studies. They cannot pay proper concentration on it because when one time they earn money as they want to earn more and more money in their life. As a result, they demolish their series of education. To cite an example, in modern eorror, there were 70 percent students stopped studies after schooling and they pay proper concentration on work. Therefore they might leave their studies. Apart from that, when youngsters join to studies after work they may totally break their confidence level. To conclude, i whould like to opine that student should follow proper series of education. If they miss any step. They might produce disability in studies.
Experts throughout the developed World have debated on the issue that
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gap in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
after schooling or not. A minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should go for traveling
Possible spelling mistake found.
ir
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after their secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
series without any disturbance. I will explicate merits and demerits by using examples. On the one hand, there
Possible spelling mistake found.
are alot
of advantages which associated with this phenomenon.
First
and foremost reason is that scholars can save huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
In other words
, nowadays the expenditure of courses are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large and poor person cannot spend more expenses on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. They face number of problems even sometime they do not fulfil their basic requirements. Due to this reason, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
collect a chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, last year a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
was conducted
, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
demostrated
that there were 50 percent poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
collected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
after schooling then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
engeeneering
related courses. Another point to
be considered
is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go for traveling, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
gain knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture, tradition and heritage.
On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
there are plethora of pros, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cones
also
.
First
point to
be considered
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. To elaborate it, if learners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they can spoil their whole interest on their academics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. They cannot pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
concentration on it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they want to earn more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their life.
As a result
, they demolish their series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. To cite an example, in modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
eorror
, there were 70 percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
after
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schooling and
they pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Apart from that, when youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they may
totally
break their confidence level.
To conclude
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
whould
like to opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. If they miss any step. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
produce disability in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
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IELTS essay Some school leavers go to travelling or work for a short period of time instead of going direct to University. Do you think it has more advantages for their study.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
364 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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