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Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 6xLJ3
Some people have an opinion that the parents should spent quality time to indulge their children in activities that is done in group while others have an opinion that children should make use of their time effectively by themselves. To begin with, taking part in group activities has many advantages for children. Development of social skill is one on the major benefit. With group activities children can learn how to live harmony, they can learn to share happiness and distress with others and negotiation in a certain situation. Taking part in group activities children can understand that everything will not happen in their own way and they will naturally learn to choose different path. For example, in school few of the period is dedicated for extra curriculum activities which help children interact with others and explore their talent to others. Other side, children can grow positively when parents give them unscheduled pleasant time. Many times we saw that, if parents are told children to occupy themselves on their own they will spent more time to play video games and surfing on internet. This could be very serious problem with their health and academic grades. Also, staying in front of computer or mobile for all day will hurt their social skill and they may even social distant. If children are engaging in activities like painting or reading in their free time will be definitely benefit them. Unfortunately, this not most of the child doing in there free time. In conclusion, children should be given quality time to explorer world based on their skills and talent. Spending time in group activities can help children to develop team efforts skills. By contras, if children are told to keep themselves occupied n their own, they might just waste time watching TV and playing mobile games.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an opinion that the parents should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to indulge their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
is done
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
while others have an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
by themselves.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Development of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is one on the major benefit. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
harmony, they can learn to share happiness and distress with others and negotiation in a certain situation. Taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can understand that everything will not happen in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they will
naturally
learn to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
path.
For example
, in school few of the period
is dedicated
for extra curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
interact with others and explore their talent to others.

Other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can grow
positively
when parents give them unscheduled pleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that, if parents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to occupy themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play video games and surfing on internet. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious problem with their health and academic grades.
Also
, staying in front of computer or mobile for all day will hurt their social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skill and
they may even social distant. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like painting or reading in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will be definitely
Consider using a past participle here: "benefited", "benefitted".
benefit
them. Unfortunately, this not most of the child doing in there free time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to explorer world based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and talent. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop team efforts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. By
Possible spelling mistake found.
contras
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied n their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV and playing mobile games.
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IELTS essay Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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