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Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion ymBE
It is debatable whether or not the future generations of country should be motivated from their families for being active members of their living communities. Several arguments for and against the topic. This essay analyses both the views and will reach into a logical conclusion. The proponents who supports the assistance of the parents for their childrens communal activities on their free time believe that the younger one's are not aware about the need of social gathering and the happiness one can enjoy by completing a task with the help of their colleagues. They are also in a viewpoint that the children tends to imitate mostly their parents and their guidance for taking part in any social activities will definitely aids their interest on the necessity of the doing things collectively rather than doing it individually. In their analysis, this motivation from the biological parents is highly needed for the children to thrive on physical and mental abilities. They believe that although it is time consuming for the parents to asssist their younger one's for being a part of the social work but it will definitely change the overall character of the child. The people who are supporting the natural evolution of the children character believe that the adults should not enforce the younger one's to develop their social skills. They are in a belief that the various stages of character development of the children is quite natural and they do not need any support from their parents to be a model on the sociaety. In their viewpoint, children will automatically understand the need for being social through their life experiences. They believe that the future generation mastering life skills by their own experiences rather than being told by parents came to know deeply about the need for helping someone and the social values. For example, a children on his younger ages do not know about the value of giving a burger to a homeless person lying on the street because they did not deal with the hunger in their family. In a nut shell, both the sides have several points that are for and against the topic but i believe that the future generations of a nation should be taught from their houses to take part in the various activities on our neighbourhoods because it will help them to dramatically improve their life skills in a better way.
It is debatable
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the future generations of country should
be motivated
from their families for being active members of their living communities. Several arguments for and against the topic. This essay analyses both the views and will reach into a logical conclusion.

The proponents who
Did you mean "support"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'proponents' should be used.
supports
the assistance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
communal activities on their free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the younger
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
one's
are not aware about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gathering and the happiness one can enjoy by completing a task with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their colleagues. They are
also
in a viewpoint that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tends to imitate
mostly
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their guidance for taking part in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities will definitely aids their interest on the necessity of the doing things
collectively
rather
than doing it
individually
. In their analysis, this motivation from the biological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is
highly
needed for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to thrive on physical and mental abilities. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that although it is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
asssist
their younger one's for being a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
overall
character of the child.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are supporting the natural evolution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the adults should not enforce the younger one's to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They are in a belief that the various stages of character development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is quite
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
natural and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
any support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be a model on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociaety
. In their viewpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
automatically
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
through their life experiences. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the future generation mastering life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by their

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences
rather
than being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
came to know
deeply
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for helping someone and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on his younger

ages do not know about the value of giving a burger to a homeless person lying on the street
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not deal with the hunger in their family.

In a nut shell, both the sides have several points that are for and against the topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the future generations of a nation should
be taught
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part


in the various activities on our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a better way.
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IELTS essay Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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